A Discovery

I started this blog so that I could discover who I am.  Today I discovered I don't like being in a conversation where my words hit a brick wall and fall broken to the ground.  I have a friend that is having issues in her marriage.  But I don't see the problem.  She asks for my advice and I tell her, and it's like she has an excuse for every thing I say.  FRUSTRATING!!!  She could really use your prayers.  Her and her husband have known each other since high school.  The didn't start dating until college.  They got married and have been married for over ten years.  My friend says she feels that God doesn't want her in this relationship because she isn't living up to her potential because of him.  I tell her she needs to read 1 Corinthians.  That the only reason God says you can divorce is if one commits adultry.  She comes back with,  if I'm living a lie isn't that sin,  isn't sin sin no matter what it is??  I went blank.  It was like that the whole time we talked.  It doesn't help that she's getting advice from her friends that are so much happier after they get a divorce.  She has children and I have asked her what about them.  She said oh that they would be fine.  They're the only one of their friends with married parents.  What kind of excuse is that!  I've seen her kids friends.  They have issues!!  I have told her and told her to pray and ask God to give her the love she needs to stay with her husband.  Anytime I tell her that it is like it hits a brick way and falls to pieces.  She claims to pray and have a relationship with God, but everytime I mention Him,  she shuts down. 

I love this person very much.  This issue is a result of other issues.  She thinks this will make her happier but it won't fix what's truly making her unhappy. I pray God gives me the words to speak to her. 

Just a gift

I love helping people.  If a friend needs anything I would drop what I as doing and help them out.  I just realized how much I love it.  A friend of mine had asked me to make invitations for her son's birthday party.  I was able to put one together in no time.  And it's cheaper if you get them printed as a 4x6 picture.  You do have to be careful because the edges tend to get chopped off when you do it online.  Then she wanted to find envelopes so she could had them out.  The only ones she found that would kind of work were $10 for 20.  What a rip off.  SO I invited her over and we successfully made 60 envelopes with card stock and double sided tape. So I helped save her over 30 bucks for envelopes! It was so much fun to catch up and just talk.  She was so thankful.  But I loved doing it.  I would do it for anyone I loved!! It's a gift from me and I never ever want or expect anything in return.  I'm not trying to toot my own horn.  Because that's kinda what it read like.  I am just discovering this about myself. 

AHHH!!!

I just don't get it.  Alyssa was doing so great at using the potty.  Then this past week, she's been pooping on the floor in the bathroom. I don't know what to do.  I don't know why she's doing it either.  She knows she has to go and she makes it to the bathroom.  But instead of going to the potty, she goes on the floor in front of the potty.   

Michelle Kate

Michelle Kate is almost 11 weeks already.  It seems like just yesterday I was completely miserable being pregnant with her.  My pregnancy was long and rough.  It didn't get bad until about the last two months.  It all started with Alyssa birthday party.  The morning of her party at about 3 am, Matthew woke up with severe pain in his stomach.  He wallowed on the bed for 3 hours before I was finally able to talk him into going to the hospital.  He got there and we were able to see the doctor rather quickly.  But he wanted to run some tests.  My mom was watching my two kids so Matthew told me to go and relieve  her and  get ready for Alyssa's party.  It took forever to get Matthew's tests done.  I was running around getting the cake made, getting last minute stuff, and making food.  All the while Matthew was at the er just waiting.  Well, thankfully God was looking out for me and sent a friend over early because she got the time wrong.  So about 5 minutes before the party was to start Matthew calls me and tells that he had appendicitis. They were going to have to do surgery but he didn't know what time.  So, I'm crying and guest were arriving.  Everyone was so understanding and we all had a good time.  As soon as I got the call that Matthew was about to have surgery, I kicked everyone out and went to the hospital.  I worked myself way to hard that day and don't think I recovered until after I had Michelle. 

This is a really bad picture of me but it shows you how large I was and I still had 2 months to go.










My due date was October 4th with her and by the time I got into my third trimester people were asking me if I was going to have her then.  I was huge.  And she sat low.  At week 35 weeks I was 4 cms dilated.  I was helped along on September 19th.  Her delivery was rough.  She had shoulder dystocia and it took my pushing and the midwife pulling to get her out.  They took her straight to the nursery.  I didn't even get to hold her and it was a long couple of hours before the brought her to me.  Then they handed her to me and she felt like a paper weight. She was 9lbs 3 oz.  She was all bruised and swollen from the delivery.

We brought her home and they mentioned jaundice but my other two had it and it went away quickly.  When I took Michelle back to get her bilirubin checked, and I got a call from her doctor saying she had to be readmitted to the hospital because it was dangerously high.  She had to be put under a light, with a Bili blanket, and have a iv.

If you look closely, they put a cup over her hand to keep the IV in.  She was released the next day and we had to keep her under a Bili blanket for a week.









Now, she is a perfectly health baby.  She is already sleeping through the night most nights.  She can soothe herself to sleep already.  She hardly cries.  I love her so much already.  She makes our family feel complete.  I get so many complements on her hair.  She has thick hair, and when it's wet, it has a lot of curl to it.   My favorite feature on her is her eyelashes.  They're so long and thick. 

She has started smiling and cooing. She smiles with her eyes mostly.  It's hard to get her to smile with her mouth.  She's so precious and I'm amazed at how God created her from nothing!!

My weekend

What a weekend...Friday it all started.  I woke up ready to go and get started on making cakes.  Alyssa and I started on the first of many.  After we had the first one in the oven she went and laid down on the couch and started acting really strange.  She keep saying "I uncomfortable mommy.  I'm cold..I'm hot"  So I finally took her temp and it was 99.  So,  I try to get her to take a nap but she won't.  She just wiggles and wiggles and refuses to take nap.  All this time I keep making cakes. ( I made the equivalent of three cake boxes.)  I thought that sick babies were suppose to sleep.  I get all the cakes made and the fondant and the icing made on Friday.  I go to bed and tell Matthew to check her temp before he goes to bed.  He comes and wakes me up at 2:30 and tells me She's been awake since 12 and won't go back to sleep.  She has a fever of 103. And keeps complaining of being uncomfortable and she wants her mommy.  So I get my pillow and we camp out in the living room.  She watches two movies and finally falls asleep at about 5ish.  I put her in bed and sleep until everyone wakes me up at 7:ish.  I get everyone fed and know I have a cake to make.  So, I work on it and then feed Michelle.  And I notice she's warm.  So she has a fever of 99.9.  This worries me that she's got the same thing Alyssa does.  I call her doctor and they tell me to alternate tylenol and motrin and if it gets to 102 to take her in.  Praise Jesus!!!  Her fever never got above 101.  I know it was all Jesus she didn't get a higher fever.  So,  I have until 11:30 to get the cake finished and I prayed and asked God to help me get it done.  He did and here's the result!!

I was pleased I got it done.  If I hadn't been going on a few hours of sleep I would of have done better but it was edible and yummy, from what I hear.  I delivered the cake and was sad I couldn't stay and see everyone.  But I truly had a good time making the cake and giving it.  I love planning it out and getting stuff little by little.  I never knew I would enjoy being creative as much as I do.  I have surprised myself.

So last night Alyssa's fever finally broke.  During the day it never got over 100 but at night it would spike.  Michelle's stayed steady and she's doing much better now.  Around 5 this evening, Johnathan started running a fever.  He feel asleep in my arms while I was listening to praise and worship. You know he's sick when he lets you hold him and he falls asleep.  Normally he fights the sleep.  But I am believing he will wake up with no fever.  That it will not get any higher or last any longer.  I'm also believing that no one else will get this!  That Matthew and I will not get sick at all!!  My mom talked to someone who has had a fever since Thursday of 103.  He says the only symptoms are high fever and extreme discomfort.  So, Jesus I proclaim now that no one else will suffer from this mess and we will not pass this on to anyone.  Bring that sickness to its death and may no one else be inflicted with this!!  I proclaim it in Jesus' name!!!

How I see my love for my husband

I am just going to ramble now because I don't have any particular thing to write about but I feel like writing.

I am so blessed.  I have an awesome husband.  Daily I find ways to be thankful and appreciative of him.  Like today, someone was talking bout how they just don't love their husband or kids any more.  I was thankful that after nine years of being together that I was still in love with my husband.  It's not the "get weak in the knees" kind of love, it's a respectful kind of love.  I love him because I want to love him.  I think of his feelings and wants above my own. I lay down my own desires to please him.  Not because he requires it or because he expects it, but because I love him and I want to.   Yes I get aggravated with him.  Yes there are days when I want to run away.  But I get putting in the effort.  I know that love takes work and I am more than willing to do that for my husband.  I don't look at other men with a desiring heart.  I try to see what makes Matthew better for me than that man.  Someone once told me about an analogy.  Here goes.  Some men are chocolate chip cookies.  You want to eat them and yummy.  Some men are oatmeal cookies.  You see them and aren't tempted to pick them up.  But if you're not careful that oatmeal cookie can start looking more and more like a chocolate chip cookie.  So I try to see what makes other men look like an oatmeal cookie so that they won't ever seem like a chocolate chip cookie to me.  And I try to always remember what makes Matthew my chocolate chip cookie. (wow, I want a real cookie now!!)  I love him so much and want to be the wife he needs.  That is the desire of my heart.  I'm not perfect, but I know I'm committed to Matthew until the day I die.  And I don't want that time to be full of strife or hardship.  I want it to full of life and joy.  I am committed to laying down my life for my husband.  I love you Matthew and I promise to always give you my best.

Sleeping baby

There's nothing like a sleeping baby.  I love to hold them and feel how warm they are.  I just wish I could just hold and enjoy Michelle more.  I always seem to be having something to do.  I get so sad thinking she may be my last baby.  Matthew and I don't want her to be our last, but you never know what the future holds.  I know I want a break from being pregnant.  I need to enjoy my babies now. 

Thankfulness

Matthew and I went over to a friend’s house tonight and we were able to have a nice conversation in the 30 minute car ride. I love those moments with Matthew. That seems to be the only time we have to talk is when we're in the car together. With three children demanding our attention all day, we don't get much us time.




I was telling him about how God's teaching how to be more thankful. I am starting to Thank God for every small thing. I can see such a difference in how I think. Before God worked on me in this area my thought life was pretty bad. I seem to be finding the fault in everyone and everything. I was starting to not like who I was on the inside. I can't pin point when God started challenging me to change, but I know it has been very gentle and gradual. I am thankful for the change He has put in me.



I was also talking to Matthew about how I like how we live for today. We don’t have a five year plan. We do have desires and wants for our future, but we’re leaving everything in God’s hands. That is the only way I make it right now, to take it one day at a time. If I tried planning things for our future, I’d go nuts trying to make it happen. Matthew and I aren’t planners and I like it that way and it works well for us.

Alyssa

My first child is Alyssa.  When she was born she was alert and sweet.  She had her hands folded together right after her birth and she was so serene.  I remember this feeling that she was going to be such a prayer warrior.  Her name means rational or noble, depending on what book or website you use.  She fits that meaning well.  She is very good at rationalizing.  She is three years old.  She tests us all the time.

I will be completely honest about our relationship.  I love her with all of my heart.  I would be beyond devastated if anything happened to her.  But we don't have a connection like I always imagined we would.  We have very different personalities and we butt heads often.  I just don't get her.  I don't remember ever having this much energy.  She reminds me a lot of her Aunt Kathryn.  Because I have an example of what her personality type can be like, I know what to pray for.  I pray often that I can correct her with removing who God wants her to be.  I also pray that God helps me parent her the way that will capture her heart and not turn her away from Him or us.  Matthew and her get along so great.  They have an awesome connection.  I am thankful that she has that.

Right know she has her extremely cute moments.  She is starting to say "I love you"  without being prompted.  You know when she is genuinely grateful for something because she says "Thank you mommy"  in the cutest way.  It amazes me at the things she remembers. 

She was a Daddy's girl from the beginning!

This is who Alyssa is!

I couldn't find her one day.....then I saw the basket on the couch with her head sticking out!!

Opendiary

Does anyone remember opendiary? I was a blogger before I even knew what blogging was. I wrote all the time in my online opendiary. I needed a place to just write and get feedback on what I wrote. I think that's why people blog. To have others read what they're dealing with and respond. I know I like having people respond to what I write. I won't keep writing if I don't get responses.

I need a place where I can write and vent. I have an amazing family and I love them all....But that is all I do. I need something for me. Hopefully this will be it.

Well, I have one in the crib crying.