Oh change....

Do you know that feeling you get when God is about to make a big request from you?  Where you start getting little clues that will better prepare you for something big? It is happening to me.  I love my family.  I love my siblings but my sister and I are very different.  Lately, probably because I am preggo, I am realizing that being around her alot isn't very good for me and having her kids around mine, isn't good for my kids.  I was watching Joyce Meyers this morning while working out. She was talking about how you need to stop hanging out with people that aren't good for you.  I don't pity my sister.  I never have.  What happened to her and our families was terrible.  But pity won't bring my neice back.  But Joyce said one little sentence that put that feeling that God was about to make me do soemthing. She said that people with no purpose think that people with purpose are too structured and rigid.  My sister and I parent very differently.  My goal as a parent is to raise my children up to be followers of Christ, respectful, loving, kind, and mature.  I am hard on my children. I expect a lot out of them.  I am not perfect.  I am not always successful.  I am not consistant. My children are handfuls.  I spank them, I raise my voice sternly at them (some may call it yelling, but there is a difference when I yell when I am mad or when I am getting a point across).  There are times I fail so badly I think I have done irrepairable damage.  But I tell my children that a lot.  I apologize to them a lot.  I love my children a lot.  I pray for wisdom a lot.  My sister doesn't understand me.  At one point she made fun of me while I was in the process of discplining my children.  I was livid, but I didn't stand up for myself because I never have, ever with her.  She has no idea who I really am.  I become a timid mouse whenver she is around.  I have no idea what God is going to ask me to do regarding our relationship.  But something is going to change, I just know it. 

an update

Oh I am pregnant.  I am due May 12th.  At least that is my due date right now.  I love how God helps us forget all of the horrible moments of first trimester blahs.  This pregnancy has been my hardest.  I get migraines and have with each one.  This one I am getting them more and worse.  I was taking some medicine, but Friday I my pulse got up to 150.  I could't think and I had no idea what was going on with me.  The doctor told my not to take the medicine anymore, so I don't know what I am going to do.  I am praying for God's grace.  I have also been getting the jitters a lot.  I am trying to ignore them but it makes for a mommy with a short fuse.  I am praying this ends with my first trimester.  I pray I am farther along than I think so I will be over all of this sooner!! 

Today my baby girl turns two.  She is such a joy.  I love to just watch her and see her grow and develop.  I told Matthew her bday gift is the chance to be a big sister.  I always wanted to have a younger sibling and it never happened.  I didn't want Michelle to miss out!!  (that's not why I am having a 4th) 

Alyssa loves loves school.  She wakes up before me every day and asks if it is a school day.  She gets unhappy with me when I tell her it is the weekend.  She does good.  I think she will be like me, I was never the problem child, and I was never the top student, so I kinda passed through the cracks.  It was fine with me, but you don't get recognized when you are in that position.  I need to remember to praise her every chance I get.

Johnny is doing great too.  He is mister social and loves all of the girls in his class!!

Matthew just had a lot of chances at his office.  They are for the better but he is having to work ALOT right now to make up for some stuff.  I am praying God will show him how to organize everything so that he will have more time at home and be efficient at work too.  He is an amazing husband and father.  I love him so much!!

I am just praying God's will to be done regarding the sale of our house.  I would love to move but I want His will more than mine.  I know He is taking care of me.