My buddy.

Wow, it's seems like I have been so busy.  I haven't had a chance or desire to write on here.  Matthew's changed our computer situation and I'm using three different computers and it gets tiring to go back and forth.  My old computer I need because it's the only one that has the right connection for the printer and it has all of my accounting stuff on it and it sooooo slow I can't do anything on it without getting frustrated,  the laptop is what I use most of the time and Matthew doesn't want it too cluttered with all of my pictures and software, and then there's his computer, it's super fast and has all of my pictures and software on it, but I am not a fan of his mouse, it's a gaming mouse that is super sensitive and has a button that if you press it will make your page go back, I press it ALL the time and whenever I think about blogging at night, Matthew is on it.  Anyway, so I haven't felt like blogging.

On a different note, yesterday was Johnathan's 2nd birthday.  We had fun!  He is so darn cute right now.  He doesn't walk anywhere anymore, he hops, jumps, skips, and runs everywhere.  He has these brown eyes that are just adorable.  He's got a stubborn streak in him.  Getting him to apologize takes forever.  He'd rather sit in time out than say he was sorry.  He talks really well and surprises me by a lot of the things he says.  I'm so blessed to be his mommy.  He is all over the place and is all boy (except he likes to wear my red patent leather shoes).  He gets in trouble a lot but not because he's bad, it's because he is so busy and into stuff. I love my only boy!  When he was born God gave me the word valor (meaning: strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness: personal bravery....the latin form means: to be of worth; be strong)  I think it fits him perfectly.  The way he tackles his fears.  He'll keep facing his fear until whatever it is no longer scares him, for example, he was scared of my parents four wheelers.  If he saw them or heard them, he'd cry and hide and cling to me.  Eventually, he would sit on it but if it started up, he'd scream and get down and cling.  Then, one day my dad took him out and he would ride for a little bit and shake all over, but he kept at it and now, we can't get him off.  I am amazed at that in him.  I pray that he never loses that!  Love ya buddy!

It's been a few days.  I worked all last week on a dress for a friend of mine and it wore me out!  I will post pictures of it soon.  Then we went to the beach for the day.  The night before we left I decided we needed a beach bag.  I was going to just go buy one but my husband looked at me like I was crazy.  So, At 11pm I made a beach bag.  It only took me an hour!  I will post pictures later. 

I have just been feeling worn out.  So, I've taken a break from everything but being with my kiddos.  I have a few projects I need to do, a sleeping bag for Alyssa (I may even make my first tutorial)!! and that bag and crayon roll.  Also, I have a baby shower Saturday for a friend and I'm trying to decide if I want to make something or just buy her something...hmmm...

Michelle has been crawling really well for the past few weeks.  She's so cute.  She now has started crawling really fast whenever she sees Johnathan coming to her.  She's tryign to get away!!  She can also play peek-a-boo.  Alyssa has grown up so much in the past few weeks.  I'm excited to see how school is for her!  She is already excited about school and asks about going every few days.  Johnathan is my hand ful right now.  He has this attitude that I just don't know how to correct. 

So there's my update!  Hope you have a great week!!

Maybe too much honesty.....

I hate it when I get in a funk.  When I get moody and just plain blah.  I was talking to Matthew tonight about how it's been four years since I've gotten a full nights sleep.  I have someone wake me up in the middle of the night at some point every night. I think that may be why I'm a different person than I want to be.  I am not the mom I alway envisioned myself being.  I'm selfish, mean, and nagging.  But only to with my kids.  Matthew and I have a pretty great relationship, in my eyes anyway.  But there is a resentment in my relationship with Alyssa, my oldest.  I don't like it, I'm not even sure why or what's causing this problem.  No one ever says, "I don't get a long with my child.  I don't like being with my child.  Does that other mom really like her, because I sure am struggling with it right now."  I feel horrible for feeling this way.  But truth be told, deep deep down, it's where I struggle the most.  I have been praying that God would help me see her the way He sees her.  I am writing this, because I want to know if I'm alone in this. 

Just as I'm writing this, God's bringing back to me a that the transition time came when Johnny was born.  Up to that point, Alyssa was great and I don't remember having tons of problems with her.  But after he was born, something changed.  She stopped sleeping through the night.  I was having to get up with Johnny and as soon as he would be asleep, she would wake up, and my nights would go back and forth and it was like that for weeks.  During those weeks, I was a monster.  I did things and thought things that were awful, just beyond awful.  I think there was a shift in our relationship from that point on with me and Alyssa. 

Oh Daddy,  I need you to repair and rebuild my relationship with Alyssa. Heal both of us from the pain that has been caused by my lack of compassion with her.  Daddy, I am so sorry for how I've treated my daughter.  Heal me from my resentment  and frustratioin.  Renew me and cleanse me oh God.  I desire to see my daughter for the beauty person she is, inside and out.  Create in my a clean heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirirt within me.  Thank you for allowing me to be Alyssa's mom, I want to bring you Glory through her.  I love you Daddy!!  In your holy name, Amen.

So, wow....this is not what I was expecting when I started this post out.  But it is my heart's desire and Lord willing there will be healing!!

They just grow so fast

This week I feel as if all three of my kids have grown up a little bit more.

Alyssa is a fish in the water.  Yesterday we went swimming with our mommy group and she was all over the place.  It's so much fun watching her enjoy the water so much.  What amazed me yesterday was that she would go under water and swim to me.  She just started doing it.  This summer is going to be so much fun for her!

Johnathan is trying to potty train himself.  He is still in diapers but he will tell me when he has to go potty.  It's not every time but he is doing it more and more.  We're not encouraging or discouraging him right now. I should probably just train him all the way right now that he is interested, but all the accidents and poop on the floor and in the bed.....I don't know if I'm up for it.

Michelle can sit up by herself.  She is just over 8 months old and is so laid back.  But she is starting to become interested in what big brother and sister are doing.  I think she'll be crawling in the next month or so.  She is such a sweet girl.  God has blessed me with her.

That's just an update of what has been going on around here!