is this beneficial and constructive?

I am at a place.  That place where I am overwhelmed by my children, my eating, my house, and many other areas of my life.  I want to be reborn and become a new person.  I want to wake up in the morning and be the mom, wife, and housekeeper I have always dreamed.  I know this is the topic of many blog posts, but this is me.  I want me to be who God desires me to be.  I read books and they help for a minute, but they haven't stuck.  I try to do it on my own.  I can survive on my own, but that is what it is, I survive my life.  I am so tired of surviving.  I can watch what I eat for weeks, but I ultimately fail.  I can have days where I am the mother I desire to be, but I ultimately fail.  I fail, but if I allowed my Lord, my Maker to move in me, He won't fail.  He will be glorified.  Oh how I wish and pray that He will bring me to that place.  How do I get myself out of the way?  How do I just give Him complete and total control?

Recently He has brought this verse to me, 1 Corinthians 10:23-24 " “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive. ²⁴ Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others" (NIV).  I can stay up late and watch tv until 12, but it doesn't benefit me in anyway to do it.  I tend to be grouchy and lazy when I don't get the rest I need.  I can eat that cupcake or the chocolate, but it doesn't benefit me in anyway.  It makes me frustrated that I can't control myself and that I am not the weight I want to be.(These are just two examples)  These aren't sins...but they don't help me in any thing I do.  God is showing me that if I focus on the good of others(being healthy so my children will have a mom for a very long time or keeping my house clean because I know it pleases my husband and keeps him mind clear) the selfish me that does whatever I want and doesn't think if it is beneficial or constructive will slowly disappear and I will become to woman God is calling me to be.I need the Lord to help me make the wise decisions.  It is my hearts cry, but I am getting in the way of what my heart wants. 

A New Start

This week is full of newness for my lil' Lyssa.  She starts school tomorrow.   Granted it is only pre-k, it'll be from 8:30 until 11:45 five days a week.  For me, this is a big thing.  She has been with me for four years, very rarely did she leave my side.  There are many days when I need a break from her, but she's my little side kick.  I think her being gone for half a day will help our relationship a good deal.  She's a little nervous about tomorrow.  I pray she does well.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Not only does she start school this week, but she turns FOUR on Friday...FOUR!   That was the longest fastest four years.  I've seen her grow and change.  I am excited to see what the next four years hold. 

On a different note, I had a hard week and felt very inadequate as a mom.  I was praying and realized that that was a lie from satan.  So, I am praying through that unbelief and started reading Proverbs 31.  God revealed to me that I do have a job, cooking healthy, cleaning, shopping, raising my children.  And I need to do my job unto the Lord.  I felt an overwhelming sense of peace with that.  I can't be the perfect mom/wife I want to be.  But I can be who God wants me to be and He'll lead me from there.  My attitude was/amd still sometimes is not what I want it to be.  I can feel that if I don't change, I'll become very selfish and that is the last thing I want. 

Anyway,  I don't know if any of that made sense to you, but for me, it's what God had for me!!

No Grey...

I was working out this morning and Te Vew came on.  I don't normally watch that show but it caught my attention.  They were saying that there may be a new way for guys to get out of having to pay child support.  If the guy tells the woman he doesn't want to father a child and she ends up pregnant, he has a reason not to pay (be responsible) for the child.  I watched with my jaw on the floor.  What got me was that not one said, then don't sleep with anyone that's not your spouse.  All that was said was just to make sure to use protection.  Protection isn't 100%!  That leaves this girl alone, I know I know...she shouldn't have been in a position to be sleeping with someone.  But we can't reproduce asexually!!  Just because I carry and birth a child doesn't mean that I'm the only one responsible for that child.  Ugh!!!  It just makes me sick!  They were saying that since the man has no say in if she keeps the child, it's not fair.  It shouldn't be a choice.  I'm stopping.

This is just a subject that gets to me.  It's black and white for me, I see no grey areas......