I am at a place. That place where I am overwhelmed by my children, my eating, my house, and many other areas of my life. I want to be reborn and become a new person. I want to wake up in the morning and be the mom, wife, and housekeeper I have always dreamed. I know this is the topic of many blog posts, but this is me. I want me to be who God desires me to be. I read books and they help for a minute, but they haven't stuck. I try to do it on my own. I can survive on my own, but that is what it is, I survive my life. I am so tired of surviving. I can watch what I eat for weeks, but I ultimately fail. I can have days where I am the mother I desire to be, but I ultimately fail. I fail, but if I allowed my Lord, my Maker to move in me, He won't fail. He will be glorified. Oh how I wish and pray that He will bring me to that place. How do I get myself out of the way? How do I just give Him complete and total control?
Recently He has brought this verse to me, 1 Corinthians 10:23-24 " “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive. 24 Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others" (NIV). I can stay up late and watch tv until 12, but it doesn't benefit me in anyway to do it. I tend to be grouchy and lazy when I don't get the rest I need. I can eat that cupcake or the chocolate, but it doesn't benefit me in anyway. It makes me frustrated that I can't control myself and that I am not the weight I want to be.(These are just two examples) These aren't sins...but they don't help me in any thing I do. God is showing me that if I focus on the good of others(being healthy so my children will have a mom for a very long time or keeping my house clean because I know it pleases my husband and keeps him mind clear) the selfish me that does whatever I want and doesn't think if it is beneficial or constructive will slowly disappear and I will become to woman God is calling me to be.I need the Lord to help me make the wise decisions. It is my hearts cry, but I am getting in the way of what my heart wants.
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Very good post Alaina. Thank you for sharing. I struggle with a lot of these things too. Sometimes I feel isolated or alone and the more I talk to other woman I realize that a lot of struggle with the very same issues. Thank you again for your honesty!
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