Always 2nd

I just found my mom had started a blog after Sydney had died.  It only had 6 entries.  I know my mom loved Syd.  She has always had a special connection to  Christina's children.  It got me thinking about if something were to happen to one of my children, would she have the same fond memories?  I know she would have good memories of them, but that fondness, that specialness she held for Syd.  I have always felt like second fiddle to my sister.  No matter what my sister does or says, my mom strives for her approval. I don't want my children to ever feel that way.  I want them to know their nana loves them just as much as Christina and even Patrick's children.  Sigh.....all my insecurities from childhood. 

On a completely different note. Our house hasn't sodl yet and the lot we wanted didn't work out.  So, we are still believing God will work everything out and we're not worried at all. 

Is Christmas really Saturday??  I am so not ready.  I have all the gifts...it's not that.  It's that Matthew works Friday and Monday, so it feels like an extremely busy weekend, not a holiday.  I am focusing on Jesus instead of the gifts this year.  Last year I worked hard to get the perfect(or what I thought would be perfect) gifts and I can almost bet that most of the ones that had the most thought didn't get used.  So this year, I wasn't into the perfect gift mode.  It was hmm, this will work.  Very bahhumbug of me...

Good night all!!!