Happy Mother's Day!

Today is mother's day! I want to share what God revealed to me last night while talking to my husband.  Here is a gift to all my mother friends!

I was telling my husband how I am not a good teacher.  I don't know how to make moments that happen in life become teachable moments for my children.  My hubby said something along the lines that he has known many parents that were great teachers but their actions were different than what they taught their kids.  And those kids have turned into adults that struggle with the doing the same acts their parents tried teaching them not to do.

That is when God whispered to my heart.  I gave you those children; follow Me, love Me, trust Me, obey Me and I will teach your children through you. You are the perfect mom for them, I chose you to be their mommy.  Your walk with Me is exactly what they need for Me to touch their hearts and bring them into My loving arms.

Amazing!

Happy Mother's Day!

A small reminder leads to changes

Alyssa and I had a big fight last week.  It was over something small but it had been brewing for awhile.  She and I have always butted heads but lately her attitude and demeanor towards has been very disrespectful.  This particular morning I was taking her to school and she was crying and I was crying. I dropped her off and just prayed all the way home.  As I pulled up to our driveway the wooded lot in front of our house was covered in a dense fog. Behind the fog the sun was rising.  God whispered deep in my soul...my mercies are new every morning.  Through the fog and hard times, I am there.  It may feel as if I am far away but I will cause the fog to dissipate and things will get better, trust in me.  I ran into the house and took a picture as a reminder.

I have been praying over my girl.  Things are getting better. I pray our relationship will be renewed and rebuilt before it is too late and she seeks confirmation elsewhere.  I love her dearly.  I am so thankful for my God that reminds He is always here.  That I just need to trust in Him as we walk through this life.

fruit

SO much is going on in my head today...

I love when God gives you just a simple truth and it can change your life! I was praying for my son because he gets really upset whenever he doesn't get his way.  I want him to be happy and joyful.  I was asking God what he needs to feel joyful.  And BAM! "²² But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,²³ gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" Galations 5:22-23 As I was praying that my son would have the Holy Spirit be prevalent in his life. I felt like God was saying to me "which of these fruits do you see in your life?" Oh wowza! love...yes I love my children and my husband and my close friends and some family...but love? hmm....joy..nope, i just feel like i am in a constant state of tense...peace...most of the time but what if something major happened? patience, kindness, goodness, and gentleness?? just ask my children about those! They would probably tell you I am mean mommy!  Faithfulness? i am faithful when it counts but in the small things..kinda...self-control....ummmmm ask those 10 fun size butterfingers i just ate... So, needless to say I think I am missing something in my life. What little fruit I do have is small and kinda withered looking.  I want my fruit to be the talk of the town...the one that the people come far and wide to see.  But how do I do that?  How?  What am I feeding myself?  Is my fruit affected my weeds? Are the weeds blocking the supply to my fruit? Taking away the nutrients the fruit needs?? Lord, HELP ME!  I can't do this on my own.  I need you!  I need you and only you!  I want to crave you and only you!!! I don't want to be mediocre anymore! I want fruit that is healthy!

Anyway the rest can wait.  that is the biggest thing God is working on me!

Just putting this out there

Most of you know that my last pregnancy was difficult.  I had thyroid problems and just felt blah about 75% of my pregnancy.  Well starting in September I started having some of the same symptoms.  I had blood work done and the doctor said my levels were in the normal range.  The only issue that concerned me was the jitteriness I had.  And when I get jittery I have a very hard time controlling my irritability level.  And I tend to blow up on my kids a lot right now.  So I looked up online and found that many people don't feel normal when they are at the levels I am at.  I made an appointment with my endo doctor.  She is hard to see and it always takes 2 hours of waiting.  I went yesterday.  Told her how I was feeling and she dismissed all I said.  Then she said well you know that after having a baby you can feel depressed, here is a prescription for zoloft.  UGH! I left frustrated and almost in tears. Why do doctor's want to treat everything with medication.  She is a specialist doctor and really has no business diagnosing me with anxiety.  I think I would have felt better had she said something like, I really don't believe it is your thyroid, but to make you feel better let's do some more blood work, and if that comes back normal, I would suggest you see your regular doctor and they may be able to help you more.

And what makes me more frustrated is my DH, I think, agrees that it is just anxiety.  Though he said while talking to me "that he isn't saying that it is anxiety" but he talked to his mom about it all and she said I have had a lot on my plate and blah blah blah.  Please don't misunderstand me.  I am a mom of four children, my oldest is six.  I do have a lot on my plate.  But the jitteriness I get was exactly the same as when my thyroid levels were low.  I understand people really do suffer from anxiety and I am in no way down playing anything that they are feeling or  suffering from.  I just honestly don't think that is what is wrong with me.  And to be just thrown aside like I don't know what I am talking about is frustrating.  And if it is my thyroid levels I only have two doctors kinda close that I could go to, her and another doctor in Tally. I may try to get a second opinion. We will see tho. I may just tough it out and see if it goes away when I am done nursing and my hormones go back to normal.

I dislike having anything wrong with me. I tend to just ignore it and believe that God will heal me from whatever it may be.  SO I will believe that I am healed right now.!

Today I am 30

This is my birthday. I can honesty say I can feel a shift in my life. I am old and wise now :) okay not really but something is different.

Back before I got married I prayed a DUMB prayer. I don't know what I was thinking but I did it. I asked God to always keep my relationship with Him on the same level as my husbands. DUMB!! Man, have I seen this prayer answered. Of all the things Godi answers why this one?? Don't get me wrong, my hubby has a good relationship with Jesus and he is wise beyond his years. But his hunger for God isn't at the level I want for my own life. I have struggled and struggled until finally last week God revealed to me my DUMB prayer!! I repented and feel like a flood gate has opened for me! I have this hunger for God and all He has to offer me!

My biggest struggle is being a mom. It is constant, when I am asleep and when I am awake. I was talking to my mom about what she did when we were young to help her be a better mom. She says she listened to Jameas Dobson and read some of his books. So I ordered the same books she read 30 years ago! They are still relevant! And I can download his radio show onto my phone! I listen while I am in the car. The other author I have been reading is Lysa Terhuerst. Man, her writing speaks to me.

Anyway, I finally feel as if I am growing. I don't have that floundering through life feeling anymore. It is amazing! I

Joy

I think I need to come to the realization that this is my life. All craziness and juggling. With four children life is is a whirlwind. I fall into bed at night completely exhausted. I get little me time. But I need to be okay with my life. I need joy to be a permanent resident in my home. I now understand the verse that says the joy of the Lord is your strength. Without joy my life is messy and annoying. Handling my children isn't easier but there is so much more grace with I have the joy of the Lord. There is so much in our society that try's to steal our joy. Moms judging each other. Moms trying to keep up with the newest parenting technique. Family dynamics that challenge you daily. Friends that are well meaning. But each situation we are presented with is seen in such a different light when we are filled with joy. You don't have to be happy to have joy. You can be going through the hardest time in your life and still have joy. I want that. I want joy so I can come through this depths of motherhood with my sanity.

confessions of a "Supermom"

I get told a lot how brave I am or that I am a super mom. For some reason I recoil at these comments. I am not a super mom and I am not brave...my husband and I look at each other a lot and ask if we are just plum crazy.  I know that is what people think when they see me out and about with all four kids in tow. 

What makes a super mom? I sure don't feel like one and I don't want the pressure that creates.  I am Alyssa's mom.  I am Johnny's mom.  I am Michelle's mom. And I am Amelia's mom.  I am the mom of four active stubborn creative kids.  I fail multiple times a day.  I beg God to help me daily.  I yell, a lot.  I told Alyssa today that I need to work on it. I am not perfect. I am not brave.  I am just a mom.

To me a brave super mom is one that isn't selfish and pours every ounce of themselves into their children.  I am extremely selfish and with each child I bring into this world, I learn how selfish I am.  A super mom teaches their children to care about others above themselves.  If I could just get mine to learn how to flush the potty I am doing good.  A super mom reads books daily to their children.  I am good if I get one book partially read to them once a week. A super mom speaks in gentle tones and never get angry with their child. I yell, scream, breath fire daily. A super mom kisses boo-boos.  I hand mine a bandaid and tell them to get tough.  A super mom knows how to spot and prevent a fight about to errupt.  I somehow just make the fighting worse.  A super mom makes well balanced meals and has a  spotless house. HAHAHAHA...that is all I can say to that one. I could go on and on but I won't.

I say all of this to say I care about my children and I am learning daily what to do.  I want to win my child's heart.  That is what matters.  I am honest with my children.  I tell them and they see me cry out to God for help. God is my strength.  God is who is going to grow my children.  I am just a vessel He uses.  And daily I have to remind myself God gave me these four beautiful children, so He had to think I would be able to do this.  Being called a super mom implys I am the one that is doing it.  I am not because my children would be terrible if I was.  God is doing it through me.

Don't call me a super mom...just call me mom.