BAHHHHHHH

This is one of those days....the kind where it starts out well.  You get things done by early morning.  You have the afternoon to relax.  Your kids have been decent. Well, except J who was the bully at the Y.  They were great when i got my hair cut....The at like 3ish, someone comes and waves a wand on my house and says good day no more.....My ironing board broke, my sister's really nice sewing machine broke, one was my fault and the other was J's fault.  My kids turned into the kind you want to trade in for new ones.  It only took about an hour for me to be on my knees giving my life back over to God.  I relinquish control.  I'm begging God to give me a new perspective of my kids.  Right now I hardly enjoy them.  I love them so much, but enjoy.....hmmm.  I'm begging God to show me where I messed things up, what am I doing wrong?  How in the world to you have mom's like Michelle Duggar????  Did that lady ever raise her voice?  Conley Roberts??  What about her did she ever scream at her kids?  How to people stay calm?  I never ever would have thought I would have been this kind of mom.  I don't want to be this kind of mom.....oh GOD help me!!!!!