I don't really have much to say but I haven't blogged in awhile. I feel like my life is in a place of waiting. Waiting for the baby to come and waiting for our house to be finished. One day I will be good with the waiting and other days I do horribly. Lately it has been rough waiting for this baby to get here. I am beyond uncomfortable. I eat anything and it leaves my stomach upset and a bad taste in my mouth. It is not much fun. The house is exciting and I want it to be just right so the waiting for that is going pretty easy. The kids and I drive by once a day because it is on my way to get Alyssa from school. They are enjoying seeing the daily progress. Pretty soon we won't be able to tell much difference just by driving by. We will have to go inside to see the finishing details.
I keep getting the verse "6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phillipians 4:6(NIV) I am trying not to be too anxious about the end of my pregnancy. I have about six weeks left if I go full term. I know the dr has talked about inducing me at 39 weeks because of my last baby have shoulder dystocia, she basically got stuck and had to be forcfully pulled/pushed out. I am praying for the perfect date and the perfect delivery with no complications. I would love to have the baby early but I want what is best for the baby's health.
I am ready to know if it is a boy or girl. I will be so elated when the dr or Matthew says, "it's a ...." I haven't felt the same bond with this baby like I have with the other three. I think it has to do with this being a hard pregnancy and not knowing what to call baby. And probably having to handle three kids, that are at three different stages, doesn't help. I am ready to hold and kiss on my baby.
Needless to say, I am kinda obsessed with being pregnant. I have a constant reminder that I am large and uncomfortable.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
hmmm
I was at our group Sunday night and we were just worshipping God. I have lost my voice so I just sat and drank in the worship. God revealed something to me. I have become extremely selfish. It has gotten worse with this pregnancy and all of the junk going along with it. I do get tired easily and There are many times I just need to sit and put my feet up. But My alone time is very selfish. I felt God I need to be selflessly alone. As in instead of being a bum and watching tv and reading books. Spend my time with Him in prayer for my family and friends and take on a warrior attitude for the things that belong to Him. It is amazing how becoming self-absorbed can change you.
Then later in the group we were all talking and someone mentioned that they don't hear or feel God. And someone replied that they use to feel that way until they started proclaiming everyday "God I know you are there, whether I feel you and hear you I know by faith you are here with me." I realized I need to proclaim, "God I know you are here with me, you gave me these children for a reason. I am the best mom for them. I know you are here and by faith I believe you will always guide me in raising them. I am not perfect and I may not feel you daily, that doesn't mean you have left me."
*On another note, our lot has been cleared!! The builder should start the foundation next week! Matthew and I are trying to make as many decisions about the house now so that as I get father along in my pregnancy we won't have to worry about it. We have bought our appliances! As an adult it is one of those purchases that is really exciting. We weren't going to buy them yet but there was a really really good deal for Presidents Day. Now were are trying to figure out kids bedrooms and colors and which child will be where. Not knowing what we are having is making that just a tad harder but we aren't worried about it.
Then later in the group we were all talking and someone mentioned that they don't hear or feel God. And someone replied that they use to feel that way until they started proclaiming everyday "God I know you are there, whether I feel you and hear you I know by faith you are here with me." I realized I need to proclaim, "God I know you are here with me, you gave me these children for a reason. I am the best mom for them. I know you are here and by faith I believe you will always guide me in raising them. I am not perfect and I may not feel you daily, that doesn't mean you have left me."
*On another note, our lot has been cleared!! The builder should start the foundation next week! Matthew and I are trying to make as many decisions about the house now so that as I get father along in my pregnancy we won't have to worry about it. We have bought our appliances! As an adult it is one of those purchases that is really exciting. We weren't going to buy them yet but there was a really really good deal for Presidents Day. Now were are trying to figure out kids bedrooms and colors and which child will be where. Not knowing what we are having is making that just a tad harder but we aren't worried about it.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
My Valentine's Gifts
This Valentine's Day, Matthew and I decided not to do anything for each other. Our house can't hold any more stuff and we need to save our money. We got the kids a little candy but nothing big.
My day started out rough. I had my 3 hour glucose test ( 3 hours ha...I was at the place for 5 hours!) I felt weak and tired. I had to find someone to pick up my kids from the y and school. I knew I had to come home and clean because someone was coming to look at our house. I just didn't have the energy.
I had gestational diabetes with my child and didn't with my other two. My third was 9lbs 3oz and the doctors were sure I had gd and it was undiagnoised. So this time I atr whatever I wanted the week before just to make sure I wasn't "cheating" the system. I went into this test knowing I would have GD and was prepared to have to prick my finger many times a day and be miserable because I couldn't eat what I was craving...right now that is yogart and chocolate milk. I told Matthew it was okay if I did because I don'y want to risk having another big baby and having that baby get stuck too.
I go home and eat my "last" fun meal, which is Chik-fil-a, and don't expect to hear anything until the morning. I get the house picked up. The guy comes and looks at our house and can't believe it hasn't sold yet. He writes a contract right there and our house will be sold before the baby comes.
Oh and the guy just happens to be our builder for our new house. Which should be done about April 30th or so....my due date is May 11th. I have been two weeks early with my last two pregnancies. Do you see how that lines up?? I could potentially be moving into a new house and having a baby on the same day!!! I am soo thankful God is working out things out and this whole process started a week ago. And we will probably be breaking ground next week or sooner! We just have to get all of the paperwork done and loans taken care of. When we bought our lot we made sure the houseplans we had would be approved by the HOA and we had all of the septic stuff taken care of. So a lot of that work that takeweek is already done!! I really like our builder. He is a country boy and is pretty geniuine.
He leaves and my phone rings. It is my doctor's office. I passed my test and don't have GD I do need to watch what I eat but I don't have to eliminate sugar from my diet completely.
I am thrilled and shocked. I was so sure I had GD. I with these two things happen my God was telling me that He loved me and cared about me. It was His valentine's gift to me. I fewlt His love just pour over me. And on top of everything my husband was home early from work to meet with the builder. He saw how weak I was feeling from the test and cooked dinner for the family. I felt so loved!!!
My day started out rough. I had my 3 hour glucose test ( 3 hours ha...I was at the place for 5 hours!) I felt weak and tired. I had to find someone to pick up my kids from the y and school. I knew I had to come home and clean because someone was coming to look at our house. I just didn't have the energy.
I had gestational diabetes with my child and didn't with my other two. My third was 9lbs 3oz and the doctors were sure I had gd and it was undiagnoised. So this time I atr whatever I wanted the week before just to make sure I wasn't "cheating" the system. I went into this test knowing I would have GD and was prepared to have to prick my finger many times a day and be miserable because I couldn't eat what I was craving...right now that is yogart and chocolate milk. I told Matthew it was okay if I did because I don'y want to risk having another big baby and having that baby get stuck too.
I go home and eat my "last" fun meal, which is Chik-fil-a, and don't expect to hear anything until the morning. I get the house picked up. The guy comes and looks at our house and can't believe it hasn't sold yet. He writes a contract right there and our house will be sold before the baby comes.
Oh and the guy just happens to be our builder for our new house. Which should be done about April 30th or so....my due date is May 11th. I have been two weeks early with my last two pregnancies. Do you see how that lines up?? I could potentially be moving into a new house and having a baby on the same day!!! I am soo thankful God is working out things out and this whole process started a week ago. And we will probably be breaking ground next week or sooner! We just have to get all of the paperwork done and loans taken care of. When we bought our lot we made sure the houseplans we had would be approved by the HOA and we had all of the septic stuff taken care of. So a lot of that work that takeweek is already done!! I really like our builder. He is a country boy and is pretty geniuine.
He leaves and my phone rings. It is my doctor's office. I passed my test and don't have GD I do need to watch what I eat but I don't have to eliminate sugar from my diet completely.
I am thrilled and shocked. I was so sure I had GD. I with these two things happen my God was telling me that He loved me and cared about me. It was His valentine's gift to me. I fewlt His love just pour over me. And on top of everything my husband was home early from work to meet with the builder. He saw how weak I was feeling from the test and cooked dinner for the family. I felt so loved!!!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
2012, what will it hold?
The past few days I have been trying to figure out what my goal for 2012 should be. I can't seem to come up with anything specific. I just hear God telling me to rest in Him. This is not an easy thing to do for me. I can very easily do nothing and think I am resting. But that isn't what He wants from me. Yes, I do have to do a lot of nothing during this pregnancy or else I will be too worn down to care for my family.
I simply want to have God's will done in my life. It isn't the worring about tomorrow that gets me because I know He is in control. It is the daily how to handle each moment with my children. Weither they are being great or they are being pitas. It is how to handle the cleaning so that my family will not be stressed by my messy. It is how to handle the cooking so that my family eats healthy and has food they enjoy. I want God's will and direction in those areas.
I look forward to what 2012 has in store for my family. I feel an excitement in my spirit that God has something big(or small) for us. I just want to open and ready for what He has for me and my family.
I simply want to have God's will done in my life. It isn't the worring about tomorrow that gets me because I know He is in control. It is the daily how to handle each moment with my children. Weither they are being great or they are being pitas. It is how to handle the cleaning so that my family will not be stressed by my messy. It is how to handle the cooking so that my family eats healthy and has food they enjoy. I want God's will and direction in those areas.
I look forward to what 2012 has in store for my family. I feel an excitement in my spirit that God has something big(or small) for us. I just want to open and ready for what He has for me and my family.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Life brings Ups and Downs
Last week was a down week for me. I had a doctor's appointment with the endochrnologist on Tuesday. She had an ultrasound of my thyroid done and was able to review it at my appointment right after. She did not come in with good news. She said my thyroid was abnormal and lumpy. Which is an indication I have a mild form of graves disease (what an awful name!!). She was in a hurry and my husband and I were following out the door asking questions. I left confused more than anything. They had done my bloodwork about a month ago and at that appointment she told me that my antibody count was negative so I probably didn't have this. She told me then that my hypertyroid would go away by the second trimester or the birth of the baby. And now she is saying it isn't because of hormone levels and that it is some disease I will have the rest of my life. It is an autoimmune disorder and they can mask the symptoms but not get rid of it.
I thought I was handling things well but as the week went on I got more and more frustrated with my kiddos and just blew up on Friday. My husband keeps telling me God will heal me and there is nothing to worry about. I know He can heal me. But I am struggling. I always pray for healing when my kiddos are sick or someone close is sick but it never seems to happen. I can pray for things like a faster trip home from VA and hardly any traffic and God answers that. I know He answers my prayers. I see it happen all the time. Except when I pray for healing. I just pray His will be done. It is all I know how to pray right now.
On a happier note I did get to see my baby last week. I need reassurance that things with the pregnancy are going well and God allowed me to see the baby earlier than I normally would. It was the day after my awful appointment with the endo dr. My hubby and I decided not to find out what we are having. I really want this to be my last pregnancy because of everything going on and how rough things have been. And we found out with the other three and it will be fun for a surprise and something more to look forward to after the end of all of this.
We have talked about names. We both like Amelia Evelyn for a girl and Kenrick Allen for a boy. What do you think? We still have until May to change our minds....so don't be surprised if we don't choose either of those :)
I thought I was handling things well but as the week went on I got more and more frustrated with my kiddos and just blew up on Friday. My husband keeps telling me God will heal me and there is nothing to worry about. I know He can heal me. But I am struggling. I always pray for healing when my kiddos are sick or someone close is sick but it never seems to happen. I can pray for things like a faster trip home from VA and hardly any traffic and God answers that. I know He answers my prayers. I see it happen all the time. Except when I pray for healing. I just pray His will be done. It is all I know how to pray right now.
On a happier note I did get to see my baby last week. I need reassurance that things with the pregnancy are going well and God allowed me to see the baby earlier than I normally would. It was the day after my awful appointment with the endo dr. My hubby and I decided not to find out what we are having. I really want this to be my last pregnancy because of everything going on and how rough things have been. And we found out with the other three and it will be fun for a surprise and something more to look forward to after the end of all of this.
We have talked about names. We both like Amelia Evelyn for a girl and Kenrick Allen for a boy. What do you think? We still have until May to change our minds....so don't be surprised if we don't choose either of those :)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
My Thankful List
It is the last day of November and the past few days I have felt extremely thankful. Here are a few things I am thankful for...
1) My husband, he and I have been together since before we had any baggage to bring into our relationship. We know each other inside and out. I don't think any other man would "fit" me as perfectly as he does!!
2) Alyssa...we have our ups and downs but we love each other through it all. She is growing up so fast! She is smart, silly, and wants to be just like me. All she wants is a sewing machine to make things just like me!!
3) My sweet boy, Johnny. He may run everywhere, be into everything, or terrorize his sisters, but he has a smile that melts my heart! He is so loving and alwyas wants to cuddle.
4) Michelle...over thanksgiving my father-in-law decided she was me with a hint of Bradshaw thrown in. I think it is the perfect mix! She is sooo goofy whenever she is beyond tired. I like to let her stay up late sometimes just to see her be so silly!
5) Baby 4... I already love and cherish this new life in me. This may be a hard pregnancy but I keep telling our baby that it is no reflection of how much joy and love they already bring me. (I get to see baby this afternoon!!! We have decided not to find out what we are having!!!)
6)My family. I don't know many families that are as close as we are. My siblings and I are close, even if some of us get on each other nerves from time to time. I wouldn't trade them in or their friendships in for anything. I have parents that support me in my decisions and rejoice whenever one of their children decides to extend the family. I know many people that have a hard time being accepted whenever they decide to have a larger family.
7)My friends....new and old. They have helped shape me into the woman I am today. I love each and every one of you that has had a hand in molding me, whether it was a small part or large part. Thank you for acccepting me and loving me.
8) In high school I was always trying to be accepted by people or groups. I never felt as if I truly fit in anywhere, except by a very small handful of people). But I can say, I am beyond thankful that my class was not one that bullied others, if they did I never saw it happen. I don't know if I would have survived had I been bullied. (I know so many children now that are bullied, they come home crying and miserable. I breaks my heart to see them being critized for being who they are...)
9) Creativity. I never thought I would sew or bake like I do. I love it and feel humbled that God has allowed me to see this part of myself. I don't know how He will use it but I pray He will!
10)My husband's job. He is very blessed to be working with Christian men, one guy even has a Bible study with one of the other guys that had many questions about what the Bible really says they meet during work hours because it is that important!! If he ever needs time off for anything they will work with him and are so helpful. He stays extremely busy but is there whenever I need him! And this job allows me to stay home with my babies!!
11) And one last thing....my relationship with my Lord and Savior. He has been with me before I even knew what a relationship with Him was about. He saved me from so many things. But most importantly He loves me. He loves me beyond anything I can comprehend. And I am so thankful to have His love. I want to serve Him in all I do and I am still learning and growing.....but I don't think that will ever stop until I am in Heaven.
I am so thankful for so many things in my life. But right now these are the few that stick out.
1) My husband, he and I have been together since before we had any baggage to bring into our relationship. We know each other inside and out. I don't think any other man would "fit" me as perfectly as he does!!
2) Alyssa...we have our ups and downs but we love each other through it all. She is growing up so fast! She is smart, silly, and wants to be just like me. All she wants is a sewing machine to make things just like me!!
3) My sweet boy, Johnny. He may run everywhere, be into everything, or terrorize his sisters, but he has a smile that melts my heart! He is so loving and alwyas wants to cuddle.
4) Michelle...over thanksgiving my father-in-law decided she was me with a hint of Bradshaw thrown in. I think it is the perfect mix! She is sooo goofy whenever she is beyond tired. I like to let her stay up late sometimes just to see her be so silly!
5) Baby 4... I already love and cherish this new life in me. This may be a hard pregnancy but I keep telling our baby that it is no reflection of how much joy and love they already bring me. (I get to see baby this afternoon!!! We have decided not to find out what we are having!!!)
6)My family. I don't know many families that are as close as we are. My siblings and I are close, even if some of us get on each other nerves from time to time. I wouldn't trade them in or their friendships in for anything. I have parents that support me in my decisions and rejoice whenever one of their children decides to extend the family. I know many people that have a hard time being accepted whenever they decide to have a larger family.
7)My friends....new and old. They have helped shape me into the woman I am today. I love each and every one of you that has had a hand in molding me, whether it was a small part or large part. Thank you for acccepting me and loving me.
8) In high school I was always trying to be accepted by people or groups. I never felt as if I truly fit in anywhere, except by a very small handful of people). But I can say, I am beyond thankful that my class was not one that bullied others, if they did I never saw it happen. I don't know if I would have survived had I been bullied. (I know so many children now that are bullied, they come home crying and miserable. I breaks my heart to see them being critized for being who they are...)
9) Creativity. I never thought I would sew or bake like I do. I love it and feel humbled that God has allowed me to see this part of myself. I don't know how He will use it but I pray He will!
10)My husband's job. He is very blessed to be working with Christian men, one guy even has a Bible study with one of the other guys that had many questions about what the Bible really says they meet during work hours because it is that important!! If he ever needs time off for anything they will work with him and are so helpful. He stays extremely busy but is there whenever I need him! And this job allows me to stay home with my babies!!
11) And one last thing....my relationship with my Lord and Savior. He has been with me before I even knew what a relationship with Him was about. He saved me from so many things. But most importantly He loves me. He loves me beyond anything I can comprehend. And I am so thankful to have His love. I want to serve Him in all I do and I am still learning and growing.....but I don't think that will ever stop until I am in Heaven.
I am so thankful for so many things in my life. But right now these are the few that stick out.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
God knows.
I know most of you know I grew up catholic. I left the catholic church at age 18 because I felt God calling me elsewhere. My mom had a very hard time understanding my decision and I thought she still did. But God likes to show us what we need at the right moment. A lady I met that has a daughter 2 days older than one of my children goes to the Catholic church with my mom. She told my mom that she really wished I was catholic because she really liked me and wanted tog et to know me better. I guess she questioned my mom about why I left. My mom told me her reply and it about made me cry. She told her that out of her three children I am the one that has the most solid foundation and faith. That I will pray and encourage her whenever she needs it. WOW!
For 11 years I never knew what my mom thought of my choice. I have always felt like the black sheep of the family. I was never as smart as my siblings, or as creative. I was the quiet one that read books constantly. I was never as atheletic as them. But through that I have learned never to compare myself to them. I know who I am. But to have my mom say that meant the world to me.
For 11 years I never knew what my mom thought of my choice. I have always felt like the black sheep of the family. I was never as smart as my siblings, or as creative. I was the quiet one that read books constantly. I was never as atheletic as them. But through that I have learned never to compare myself to them. I know who I am. But to have my mom say that meant the world to me.
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