every day is a struggle

This morning is not good.  My children stayed up until after 10 last night so they could see their daddy that they haven't seen since Sunday.  I stayed up until 12:30 to see my hubby because h has been working  a lot lately.  I thought maybe my child would sleep in, but no she woke me up to her usual, Mom I am hungry and I want to watch a movie.  I have gotten that since she was able to talk and get out of bed herself.  Most mornings I can drag myself out  of bed and fix everything for her.  This morning I could feel my angry rising.  I wanted to yell at her and tell her to do it herself.  At one point she knew how to turn it all on but forgot.  I wanted to tell her she can wait a hour before she ate.  I needed rest.  But I didn't.  I did mumble and tell her stuff.  I don't remember what it was but it wasn't nice. 

I hate waking up like this.  I feel this bubble of anger rising up in me.  It is the kind that causes me to be short with my kiddos.  I know a lot of it has to do with little sleep, but it goes deeper.  I want to know the root of it.  Why am I so easily set off? 

A few things come to mind, but are they the reason?  My first thought is selfishness.  I don't like to be disturbed. I read Joseph Prince last night and he said "The Bible shows us that the most fundamental cause of problems in our lives is condemnation. With condemnation comes fear. Fear then induces stress which brings about the symptoms of the curse." 

Wat condemnation am I struggling with? But is that really what I need to focus on?  I need to focus on Jesus. Joseph Prince also said "My friend, condemnation is the root cause of the symptoms of the curse manifesting in your life. That is why you need to know that at the cross, God took all your sins, put them on Jesus and unleashed the full fury of His wrath against them until Jesus cried out, “It is finished!”All your sins have been completely punished in the body of Christ who was condemned for you. The root cause of all your problems has been dealt with. This means that the devil cannot enforce the curse in your life apart from your receiving condemnation. So come to the place of no condemnation and no sick leaves will sprout in your life!"

That is good stuff, but why isn't it sinking in deep?  I want His love to sink in so deep, that no matter what I am going through I don't hesitate to call out to Him.  But that is what this walk is all about, right?  To learn what God's love really.  Will we not really get it until we are in Heaven with Him.  But I don't want to wait that long.  I want it now.  I want it now!!!! I want it today, not in ten years, not when I die.  I want it now!!!!  Amen!