Always 2nd

I just found my mom had started a blog after Sydney had died.  It only had 6 entries.  I know my mom loved Syd.  She has always had a special connection to  Christina's children.  It got me thinking about if something were to happen to one of my children, would she have the same fond memories?  I know she would have good memories of them, but that fondness, that specialness she held for Syd.  I have always felt like second fiddle to my sister.  No matter what my sister does or says, my mom strives for her approval. I don't want my children to ever feel that way.  I want them to know their nana loves them just as much as Christina and even Patrick's children.  Sigh.....all my insecurities from childhood. 

On a completely different note. Our house hasn't sodl yet and the lot we wanted didn't work out.  So, we are still believing God will work everything out and we're not worried at all. 

Is Christmas really Saturday??  I am so not ready.  I have all the gifts...it's not that.  It's that Matthew works Friday and Monday, so it feels like an extremely busy weekend, not a holiday.  I am focusing on Jesus instead of the gifts this year.  Last year I worked hard to get the perfect(or what I thought would be perfect) gifts and I can almost bet that most of the ones that had the most thought didn't get used.  So this year, I wasn't into the perfect gift mode.  It was hmm, this will work.  Very bahhumbug of me...

Good night all!!!

News!!

I am not Pregnant!!!!  hehehe... I get asked a lot :)  My sister and sister-in-law are both preggo and they are saying I will be before they deliver.  I am believing that I won't be pregnant again for awhile.  Michelle is almost done breastfeeding.  Once she's done, it'll be five years of being pregnant or nursing.  I don't mind having my body be used to bring life and sustain life, but I would like a small break. :)

The real news it that we're going to build a house.  We have our house on the market and we have a piece of property under contract.  There has been an issue with the neighbor.  They built a deck 7 feet onto the property we want.  We are praying that everything gets resolved in a Godly manner.  That all three parties involved, us, the property owners, and the neighbor will have an outcome that benefits everyone.  I am also believe our house will be sold quickly.  Everything is in God's hands and Matthew and I feel at peace about everything.  The house we're going to build is going to be so great.  All the bedrooms will be upstairs with the laundry room upstairs.  Downstairs will have an extra room for the kid's toys, and my sewing stuff. Excited!!!!

wow....that ended up being long!

I haven't been a very good blogger lately.  I just feel so busy and the last thing I want to do is fill my time with typing and trying to express myself.  I also have been going through a pretty hard stage right now.  I don't want anyone to think I hate my kids or that I am always down/depressed.  I am starting to have more good days than bad.  I am beginning to come to terms that I am not the mom I always dreamed I was, but with God's help I can get there and be the mom He wants me to be. 

I am a part of a home group. My husband and I aren't apart of a church, but we're apart of a family of believers that love Jesus and want to serve Him in all we do.  We have nothing against church.  I miss some things about church, like praise and worship.  But I am slowly learning how to do that at home. I also think my kids are missing out on being taught more about Jesus.  But I am slowly learning how to do that at home.  It is so rewarding to hear your child is well-behaved and knows how to act in a bad situation away from home.  I my see a different child in my house, but God is rewarding my attempts to teach my children who He is. 

Anyway, all of that to get to this point (it's not what I sat down to write.)  This past Sunday night,  we were talking about many things, but it led to talking about how there are people that seem to have that connection with God, Mother Theresa, Billy Graham, and many others.  But what makes them seem to be chosen and set apart.  Someone mentioned they believe that they are truly God's beloved.  That they are loved by God so deeply that no matter what they're going through, they believe that they are God's beloved.  I remember when I was in high school, I was reading in Acts and was awed by the fact that His disciples were thankful for being persecuted.  Through their hard times, that knew that they were God's beloved.  I want to get to that place, where I know, really really know that I am God's beloved.  Out of all the people in the world, He has called me and I am His beloved.  We are all set apart, we are all God's favorite child.  I have three children, I love each one equally, and they are all my favorite.  Me, a human, who sins, can love my children  that way.  How much more and perfectly can God love each one of us that way!!  Every day, I am telling myself "I am my Beloved and He is mine, His banner over me is love..." in every situation, I sing it.  Soon, I will truly, with my whole heart, mind, and soul believe that I will always, no matter what, be my Lord's beloved!!!

To clarify

Wow, my last post was a real downer.  I didn't mean for it to be.  I am doing well in most areas of my life.  I just feel like I am being tweaked as a mom.  I use to not care how much tv my kids watched and honestly, it babysat my kids so I could get things done.  I realized that I need to turn it off.  I'm allowing my kids an hour of tv at home a day.  That means that they're underfoot most of the day.  I get to spend more time with them, I just wish it was quality time and not me yelling at them.  I want a fenced in backyard...the house we want has one....it will be so nice Lord....your will not ours!!

Wow....2 months went fast.

My last blog was two months ago exactly.  A lot is going on right now.  We're getting ready to put our house on the market and buy a new one.  I'm not really sure how we got here.  Matthew and I have been talking about it since Michelle was born.  We found the house we want to buy pretty fast.  It was the 5th house we looked at.  And we went to apply for a loan, still awaiting preapproval, and they said we could get a loan with an interest rate of 3.875%. That's crazy low!!  We haven't put an offer on the house, because we are waiting to be preapproved.  And we're getting things fixed up here before we put it on the market....anyone want to buy our house?  I'm believing God has everything under control.  If I think and dwell on it too much, I get overwhelmed because it's A LOT!  But  He is guiding us one step at a time.  And if this isn't the house, we're both okay with that.  It's the first time I haven't let my emotions control my decisions.  I feel strange about all of it, a good kind of strange.  I've never really been in a place like this.  I have my full trust in God and therefore, I'm not stressed or overly concerned about any part of it.  He is a good Father and He has good this in store for me.

The family is doing good.  Michelle is one now.  She is such a ray of sunshine.  The only time I;ve had trouble with her is when I nurse her.  She does gymnastics while still latched.  It is very uncomfortable and annoying.  She also thinks I'm an open bar, that I should just leave'em out and she'll take sips in the middle of playing....no joke.  She pitches a fit whenever I out'em away.  She grabs at me and yanks my shirt.....it's annoying, but kinda cute.  Okay not cute....just annoying. 

Alyssa and I need prayer.  We just don't click.  I don't get it at all.  I need to pray more for our relationship, I just forget to.  Lord, help us to  uderstand each other.  Open my eyes to her needs and desires.  Lord, I want to connect with Alyssa, help me. Amen.

Johnathan is becoming more and more defiant.  I am at a loss with how to  entertain him.  Lord, help me to find Johnathan's interests. 

I stay frustrated with Alyssa and Johnathan.  I feel like I tell them no all the time.  I've been struggling with not being the mom I've always wanted to be.  Anyway, I need to go to bed....night night

Pulling my hair out....

Frustrated...my friend is so deceived.  My spirit is grieved whenever I talk with her.  We had an argument today.  I am not confrontational at all, but I'm so tired of the limbo.  One day she's good, one day she's bad...it's ridiculous.  The other guy has weaved lies around her that are so grotesque.  I told her today that she had a choice to be miserable or be happy.  She doesn't realize she'll be miserable either way.  All her divorced friends say that divorce is great and they have no regrets. She says when she's with this other guy, God uses them and blesses others because of their love.  I think my spirit just threw up....I think of the other guy and my stomach literally gets sick.  I'm still praying.  I'm praying this other guy will do something so stupid she'll see his true character, for her true salvation, she'll see her husband for what an awesome guy he's becoming,  that all of the lies will fall away and she'll have eyes to see and ears to hear the TRUTH!  I'm at a point where I'm just like do it, just divorce your husband and then don't bring that other guy around.  But God says keep praying, she's not filed any divorce papers yet, He can break down the shell that's been built around her heart.  I'm hopeful one minute then devastated the next.

I'm sorry,  I needed to vent and just get my thoughts out.  I feel so frustrated. 

A New Start

This week is full of newness for my lil' Lyssa.  She starts school tomorrow.   Granted it is only pre-k, it'll be from 8:30 until 11:45 five days a week.  For me, this is a big thing.  She has been with me for four years, very rarely did she leave my side.  There are many days when I need a break from her, but she's my little side kick.  I think her being gone for half a day will help our relationship a good deal.  She's a little nervous about tomorrow.  I pray she does well.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Not only does she start school this week, but she turns FOUR on Friday...FOUR!   That was the longest fastest four years.  I've seen her grow and change.  I am excited to see what the next four years hold. 

On a different note, I had a hard week and felt very inadequate as a mom.  I was praying and realized that that was a lie from satan.  So, I am praying through that unbelief and started reading Proverbs 31.  God revealed to me that I do have a job, cooking healthy, cleaning, shopping, raising my children.  And I need to do my job unto the Lord.  I felt an overwhelming sense of peace with that.  I can't be the perfect mom/wife I want to be.  But I can be who God wants me to be and He'll lead me from there.  My attitude was/amd still sometimes is not what I want it to be.  I can feel that if I don't change, I'll become very selfish and that is the last thing I want. 

Anyway,  I don't know if any of that made sense to you, but for me, it's what God had for me!!

No Grey...

I was working out this morning and Te Vew came on.  I don't normally watch that show but it caught my attention.  They were saying that there may be a new way for guys to get out of having to pay child support.  If the guy tells the woman he doesn't want to father a child and she ends up pregnant, he has a reason not to pay (be responsible) for the child.  I watched with my jaw on the floor.  What got me was that not one said, then don't sleep with anyone that's not your spouse.  All that was said was just to make sure to use protection.  Protection isn't 100%!  That leaves this girl alone, I know I know...she shouldn't have been in a position to be sleeping with someone.  But we can't reproduce asexually!!  Just because I carry and birth a child doesn't mean that I'm the only one responsible for that child.  Ugh!!!  It just makes me sick!  They were saying that since the man has no say in if she keeps the child, it's not fair.  It shouldn't be a choice.  I'm stopping.

This is just a subject that gets to me.  It's black and white for me, I see no grey areas......

Sewing picture Updates

I made this dress for a friend of mine.  It took me a week to do it.  She likes it but needs a few adjustmetns.  She tried it on for me and the zipper broke.  I have enough fabric to make a matching outfit for her daughter. 

I made this diaper pouch and wipes cover for a friend who's having a baby.  She loved it.  They were pretty simple to make.  I used this tutorial for both of them.

I made this outfit for the same friend.  She's having a girl and I love giving gifts that'll fit in a year.  I made the skirt from this tutorial and the flower from this tutorial.  I love this dress and think Michelle looked super cute in it.  I had a hard time giving it away.  I'm going to make one for Michelle's first birthday!

My buddy.

Wow, it's seems like I have been so busy.  I haven't had a chance or desire to write on here.  Matthew's changed our computer situation and I'm using three different computers and it gets tiring to go back and forth.  My old computer I need because it's the only one that has the right connection for the printer and it has all of my accounting stuff on it and it sooooo slow I can't do anything on it without getting frustrated,  the laptop is what I use most of the time and Matthew doesn't want it too cluttered with all of my pictures and software, and then there's his computer, it's super fast and has all of my pictures and software on it, but I am not a fan of his mouse, it's a gaming mouse that is super sensitive and has a button that if you press it will make your page go back, I press it ALL the time and whenever I think about blogging at night, Matthew is on it.  Anyway, so I haven't felt like blogging.

On a different note, yesterday was Johnathan's 2nd birthday.  We had fun!  He is so darn cute right now.  He doesn't walk anywhere anymore, he hops, jumps, skips, and runs everywhere.  He has these brown eyes that are just adorable.  He's got a stubborn streak in him.  Getting him to apologize takes forever.  He'd rather sit in time out than say he was sorry.  He talks really well and surprises me by a lot of the things he says.  I'm so blessed to be his mommy.  He is all over the place and is all boy (except he likes to wear my red patent leather shoes).  He gets in trouble a lot but not because he's bad, it's because he is so busy and into stuff. I love my only boy!  When he was born God gave me the word valor (meaning: strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness: personal bravery....the latin form means: to be of worth; be strong)  I think it fits him perfectly.  The way he tackles his fears.  He'll keep facing his fear until whatever it is no longer scares him, for example, he was scared of my parents four wheelers.  If he saw them or heard them, he'd cry and hide and cling to me.  Eventually, he would sit on it but if it started up, he'd scream and get down and cling.  Then, one day my dad took him out and he would ride for a little bit and shake all over, but he kept at it and now, we can't get him off.  I am amazed at that in him.  I pray that he never loses that!  Love ya buddy!

It's been a few days.  I worked all last week on a dress for a friend of mine and it wore me out!  I will post pictures of it soon.  Then we went to the beach for the day.  The night before we left I decided we needed a beach bag.  I was going to just go buy one but my husband looked at me like I was crazy.  So, At 11pm I made a beach bag.  It only took me an hour!  I will post pictures later. 

I have just been feeling worn out.  So, I've taken a break from everything but being with my kiddos.  I have a few projects I need to do, a sleeping bag for Alyssa (I may even make my first tutorial)!! and that bag and crayon roll.  Also, I have a baby shower Saturday for a friend and I'm trying to decide if I want to make something or just buy her something...hmmm...

Michelle has been crawling really well for the past few weeks.  She's so cute.  She now has started crawling really fast whenever she sees Johnathan coming to her.  She's tryign to get away!!  She can also play peek-a-boo.  Alyssa has grown up so much in the past few weeks.  I'm excited to see how school is for her!  She is already excited about school and asks about going every few days.  Johnathan is my hand ful right now.  He has this attitude that I just don't know how to correct. 

So there's my update!  Hope you have a great week!!

I am excited!!  I had someone ask me to make a bag and crayon roll for their little girl.  She said I could be creative.  She likes pink and brown together and her daughter loves butterflies...

So, here are the two fabrics I bought for my projects!  The end result will not be done for a couple of weeks....but I'll post as soon as I'm done.

Maybe too much honesty.....

I hate it when I get in a funk.  When I get moody and just plain blah.  I was talking to Matthew tonight about how it's been four years since I've gotten a full nights sleep.  I have someone wake me up in the middle of the night at some point every night. I think that may be why I'm a different person than I want to be.  I am not the mom I alway envisioned myself being.  I'm selfish, mean, and nagging.  But only to with my kids.  Matthew and I have a pretty great relationship, in my eyes anyway.  But there is a resentment in my relationship with Alyssa, my oldest.  I don't like it, I'm not even sure why or what's causing this problem.  No one ever says, "I don't get a long with my child.  I don't like being with my child.  Does that other mom really like her, because I sure am struggling with it right now."  I feel horrible for feeling this way.  But truth be told, deep deep down, it's where I struggle the most.  I have been praying that God would help me see her the way He sees her.  I am writing this, because I want to know if I'm alone in this. 

Just as I'm writing this, God's bringing back to me a that the transition time came when Johnny was born.  Up to that point, Alyssa was great and I don't remember having tons of problems with her.  But after he was born, something changed.  She stopped sleeping through the night.  I was having to get up with Johnny and as soon as he would be asleep, she would wake up, and my nights would go back and forth and it was like that for weeks.  During those weeks, I was a monster.  I did things and thought things that were awful, just beyond awful.  I think there was a shift in our relationship from that point on with me and Alyssa. 

Oh Daddy,  I need you to repair and rebuild my relationship with Alyssa. Heal both of us from the pain that has been caused by my lack of compassion with her.  Daddy, I am so sorry for how I've treated my daughter.  Heal me from my resentment  and frustratioin.  Renew me and cleanse me oh God.  I desire to see my daughter for the beauty person she is, inside and out.  Create in my a clean heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirirt within me.  Thank you for allowing me to be Alyssa's mom, I want to bring you Glory through her.  I love you Daddy!!  In your holy name, Amen.

So, wow....this is not what I was expecting when I started this post out.  But it is my heart's desire and Lord willing there will be healing!!

I love making Birthday gifts!!

It's been a few days since I last posted.  My hubby got a new toy on Monday, a PS3, and I've been playing games with him.  That was his reason for getting it, so we could spend more time together.  Hehehe, he is so thoughtful!!  I love my hubby so much.  He is the perfect fit for me.

I was also making an awesome birthday gift for the cutest little girl.  She had her 4 year old party on Saturday.  I had so much fun making her gifts.  At first I was going to just make this,  but I didn't think it would be enough, so I whipped up one of these.  I was so excited because I was able to make the crayon roll in one afternoon!!  I am still new at the sewing thing and I have to rip out seams all the time. 

Want to see what I made? 

They were a hit!!  I was even asked to make some more.  I am not in this right now to make any money.  Making them just gives me an excuse to buy really cute fabric!!

These next two weeks are going to be different for me.  I am making a dress for a friend of mine.  Crazy!!  I've never made a dress for someone wtih curves.  This is the dress  pattern I'm making.  And I'm going to make a matching dress for her 1 year old.  I'm just praying everything goes good.  I hope she doesn't have high expectations!

Project 1, 2, and 3 completed!

wow...what a long day!  We had two three year old birthday parties, back to back, a trip to wal-mart, and friends over for pizza.  I was so ready for the kiddos bedtime tonight.  So,  I made two gifts this week!  They were for two wonderful three year olds. 

The first gift, which was project 2, went to a little boy.  He is such a cutie and I would do anything for him or his mommy!  He loves to play dress up, so I made him a cape. I saw this tutorial a couple of weeks ago and really wanted to make one.  And here was my finished product...

This is my daughter testing it out...

This is the cape from the front.  It's really hard to find cute boy fabric from Joann Fabrics. but I am happy with how this turned out.  It really didn't take me long at all to make this!










The other gift is for a cute girl.  I was going to make some reversable head bands, but it was too hard to figure out the sizing, so I saw this tutorial and thought it would be easy!  And it was.  But while I was sewing this project my children were doing this....

Yes Playhouse Disney is a friend in my house.  I don't think I could survive without it!!  So here is my version of the crayon roll....

I did add in an extra headband because I had one made already.

I hope you all enjoyed my sewing projects.  I know I enjoyed making them and giving them away! 

They just grow so fast

This week I feel as if all three of my kids have grown up a little bit more.

Alyssa is a fish in the water.  Yesterday we went swimming with our mommy group and she was all over the place.  It's so much fun watching her enjoy the water so much.  What amazed me yesterday was that she would go under water and swim to me.  She just started doing it.  This summer is going to be so much fun for her!

Johnathan is trying to potty train himself.  He is still in diapers but he will tell me when he has to go potty.  It's not every time but he is doing it more and more.  We're not encouraging or discouraging him right now. I should probably just train him all the way right now that he is interested, but all the accidents and poop on the floor and in the bed.....I don't know if I'm up for it.

Michelle can sit up by herself.  She is just over 8 months old and is so laid back.  But she is starting to become interested in what big brother and sister are doing.  I think she'll be crawling in the next month or so.  She is such a sweet girl.  God has blessed me with her.

That's just an update of what has been going on around here!

Project One

I was going to make these as birthday gifts for all of the little girls that are having parties coming up.  So I made two, and they didn't turn out how I wanted.  I couldn't get the sizing right.  And not knowing how small/big the little girls head is, I couldn't make one that would fit right.  For your viewing pleasure I will add a picture of the first one I made.

Side A

Side B











It's not horrible, but I was thrilled with the outcome.  SO I have another project in my machine right now.  I should be finished tomorrow!!

A teaser for you...

Project Two is completed and wrapped!!

Just some reading

I just got done reading two chapters from Love and War.  It is such a good book!!!  What did I get out of it?  That I need to make sure I am running to God to fill me up and not my husband.  We are both empty vessels and we can't fill each other up.  Only God can fill me up.  How awesome is that?  Matthew, alone, can't make me happy.  My children, alone, can't make me happy.  But God, alone, can!!  He uses my husband and my children to bring me joy.

I am still working on my sewing projects!  They probably won't be posted until Saturday or Sunday.  I have to finish them and they're both for gifts.  So I don't want to spoil the gifts!

Two Projects in the works

I have two projects in the works...
Project One:

Project Two:

I bet you are anxiously waiting for me to tell you what these are for....well, you will just have to tune in another day to find out. 

Follow me as i ramble on..and on...and on.

I weighed in this morning.  I am up 1.5 pounds.  I am disappointed in myself but I think I'm putting to much pressure on me.  I feel out of control with what I'm eating.  I don't think I'm going to do the other blog.  It was making me depressed and it was too much work.  So I am sticking with just this blog.  But there will hopefully be some changes soon.

I have become engrossed with the world of blogging, just check out all of the wonderful blogs I'm following!  There are so many different ideas out there.  I am thinking of jumping on the crafts blog bandwagon.  Well, actually I'll just be putting more crafty type blog entries on here. 

But that's not all, I still want this blog to be about discovering me.  That's all areas of my life.  My thinking, my sewing, my baking, my mommyhood, my wifeyhood...hehe...my deep downs, my joyous ups.  Just all around me.  I want to  try to do an entry a day on whatever my day may become.

Today, I went to Joann's fabric(it's a 45 minute drive and the closest fabric store that i know of) with all three kiddos in tow.  WOW, what a trip.  I ended up snagging some awesome stuff, hopefully tomorrow I will put pictures up of my goodies.  But I was nagging A the whole time.  Joann's doesn't have buggies that will hold all three kiddos.  I did go when they usually rest/nap.  SO they were tired.  (I will brag a minute on M.  She is such an awesome baby.  I think if everyone had a child like her first, they would swear to have 5.  She will just sit and play by herself for hours.  She only cries when she's hungry or tired or being trampled on by J.  I love my baby M!!)

I am super excited about a few projects I have rolling around in my head.  We go to a lot of birthday parties and I need quick and inexpensive gifts.  SO i have found some fun tutorials for gift ideas.  Hopefully I will have time to start tomorrow.

During the month of May, our home group has been having a married group on Wednesday nights.   We've been reading this book.  It is soooo good.  It's been an eye opener for me.  It has helped my prayer life in more areas than just my married life.  I am kinda sad that we only have one more meeting left.  I have really enjoyed have a group of couples that really open up to each other.  I have gotten so much out of that.  I think that is what being a body of believers is all about.  That's why I try to be so honest.  I know that those of you who read this are believers and I want to be real with you.  That's the only way to have a solid relationship is by being real and honest...transparent.  Anyway,  I pray that our Sunday night groups will become as open and honest, so that we may all grow and mature in our walk with God.

a 4 year journey

It all started four years ago.  I was pregnant with Alyssa and working as an accountant.  Matthew wasn't employed but he knew he need a job that would support the family.  I told him from the day I found out I was prego I was staying at home and me working wasn't an option.  God would provide for us.  So, I set about training someone new at my job. Then one day at my doctor's visit they said I was 2 cm and could go any day.  That being my first child, I got excited and thought that braxton hicks were real contractions.  So, I told my boss I would work until the end of the week.  At that point Matthew still didn't have a job, but I felt like God was leading me to take a step of faith.  Well, that same week he got an interview with a company.  It seemed like the perfect fit.  He was hired the same day I left...July 15. I didn't have Alyssa for another 3 weeks, but it was nice to have a break from not working!!

He started out his job as a network tech.  In order to be promoted to engineer he has to pass a lot of certifications.  But not only that, he has to have great customer service skills, reliability, character, and experience.  Matthew worked hard for four years, and yesterday he was given the promotion of Network Engineer!!!  For him to accept the promotion is a big step of faith.  He is going from salary to commission.  But we know that God has been with him every step of the way.  And what's awesome about this company is that one of the owners told Matthew how to get new customers, PRAYER.  That's how this company has been built, by prayer.  I am excited for this new adventure.  I know it means Matthew is on call 24/7 and will work a lot, specially in the beginning while he starts out.  


I've known Matthew since he was 14 years old.  It is amazing to see who he has become as a man.  He surprises me daily with how awesome he is.  His work ethic is great and from what I hear, all of his clients just love him.  It makes me a little sad to know I can't witness him in action.  I told him last night I wish I could be a fly on the wall sometimes, just so I could get a glimpse into that part of his life.  We are one flesh, but he has his own world at work.  But I will rejoice in all God has done for Matthew and us, and I won't dwell on that part of this.

This will probably be confusing to you

Okay so here's the newest feelings of what's going on.  Maybe there is hope.  This friend went away for a few days and came back saying she wanted to get back together.  The man asked why and she said for her children.  He said not good enough....but they could work on the marriage.  So they are as of right now.  Maybe God did meet her where she was at.  I know a lot of prayers have been said.  Also, maybe the rumors were started to get them separated and they really weren't true.  It's hard to trust her anyway, ever since I've known her, so it makes all of this very hard.  I know trusting God and taking this to Him has been the best thing.  But it is still a long road ahead. But only God knows what will happen.  I just pray she and him come to know the one true God through all of this and that He will bring healing and restoration to them both.     

I'm just confused...

I don't know what to believe anymore.  What's your take on judging people?  If I question a person and they deny anything that pertains to the question, and I doubt every word....does that mean I judge them?  Or is judging them saying I think they're not a Christian?  Or is it saying I think they deserve to be punished?  Do you have any good scripture on the matter?  Have you ever struggled with this?

I'm having a hard time separating myself from a situation.  It's starting to wear on me and I'm exhausted.  I've tried to give it to God, but I keep taking it back.  I hate what this is doing to people I love and care for. Why oh why? 

I'm sorry this is so vague.  I know I will be able to talk more about it once everything has passed. 

Happy Mother's Day!!!

My mother's day was great.  Saturday night Matthew took me on a date to Jonah's.  It was so good.  I had shrimp and grits.  AMAZING!!!  I think I have a new favorite.  Then Matthew and I went to verizon and he got me texting on my phone.  I didn't have it because I blocked it while in college.  I would get texts from my friends who "butt text me"  It was costing my dad money, so ihad it blocked.  I never cared to get it, but a few of my closest friends have been begging me to get it.  I am glad I have it, but I'm hoping I don't get addicted.

I wasn't expecting anything from my babies.  Not because they don't care, but Matthew's been super busy with work and studying.  I  had to go to the grocery store this morning to make some sides for lunch.  I came home and he and the kiddos had made me a card.  It was perfect and sweet. 

We went to my mom's and had fun.  Alyssa loves to swim.  I think she's my little fish. 

I had an awesome day.  Each one of my children brings me joy.  Today God highlighted for me all the things that bring me joy.  It was good.  I needed to see that because I've been rather exhausted lately  and have missed out on a lot of things my children have to offer. 

....

I had a conversation with my friend today.  I didn't say much, just listened.  But wow.  I had said something to her about listening to lies.  Today she said that I was saying she was listening to satan.  I was going to refute what i said, but stopped and thought it may be a good thing she thinks that. Because she is so full of lies about everything.  I'm amazed at how she thinks. It pretty much boils down to no one should be held responsible for what they believe or think.  It's a product of their past and how they were raised.  She finds fault in her husband, but not in herself.  She knows she has problems, but they're not the reason she's leaving. 

She thinks this book describes what she thinks perfectly....The Four Agreements. I started reading it and it made my spirit man crazy.  I had to stop reading it.  I want to read it to be able to know how to pray for her.  If I do, I'm going to have to pray over myself. 

On other news, I did gain three pounds in 2 weeks.  I haven't been able to exercise because of having sick children.  And a busy schedule.  I also haven't been eating very well.  I started another blog to keep my daily eating habits under check.  I had to do something.

A sad situation

I wrote a blog a while back about a friend of mine who wanted tog et a divorce.  Well, she's leaving her husband.  I can honestly say I don't understand her right now.  But for me, the part that is hardest is realizing her beliefs are based on a bunch of lies. She believes that all roads lead to God.  I've suspected it, but never asked her directly.  I honestly think that this is the root of her problems.  I have been praying for brokenness for her.  I know God can move in this situation, but I think she needs to come to the end of herself.  I don't know what to feel about the whole thing.

I will overcome

Weigh-In one of my own.  I'm at 138 lbs.  That's up by 5 or 6 pounds.  My scale is more than the ymca's scale, but I'm not sure by how much.  I'm going to use my scale from now on though.  So,  in order for me to be able to buy anything next week, I have to be down those 5 pounds....probably won't hapen in a week but hopefully two weeks!

On another note,  yesterday I came into the living room and J had the laptop.  It's Matthew's work laptop, but I use it more than he does.  I don't know what all J did with it, but I was too busy to check it out.  Well, last night I plugged it in and it wouldn't turn on.  I prayed and prayed and prayed it was't broken.  I left it charging for an hour hoping that would help.  Basically I was avoiding telling Matthew it was broken.  After awhile, I felt like it was a challenge.  God was asking me, will you tell Matthew the truth?  I sat in he bedroom for an hour avoiding having to tell Matthew.  I finally got the guts to tell him.  I told him the truth, that J had the laptop and I didn't know what he had done with it.  Matthew looked at it, and it turns out that the adapter on the charger was broken and the laptop had 0 battery charge.  So, J didn't break it!!!  God answered my prayer, but it took a leap of faith to tell Matthew the truth about what happened. 

Speaking of Matthew, he's taking one of the biggest tests for his career on Monday.  He could use all of your prayers. He has been studying off and on for two years for this test.

My newest adventure

I have done horribly with my diet since I ended Team Lean.  I can tell a complete change in myself.  So, in order to remedy this I have made my own form of reward for losing weight.  I will have a weekly weigh in on Thursday's.  if I lose weight, I get to buy myself a new article of clothing..shoes, shirts, pants, dress...or whatever.  I'm starting this Thursday, but in order for me to be able to get anything, I have to get back to where I ended at my last weigh in. I need to practice self-control. I have prayed every day for the Holy Spirit to help me.  Today,  I did good up until an hour ago.  I thought maybe if I had someone to keep my accountable it would help.  So for the 5 of you who read this, I will hopefully relying on you to help me.

BAHHHHHHH

This is one of those days....the kind where it starts out well.  You get things done by early morning.  You have the afternoon to relax.  Your kids have been decent. Well, except J who was the bully at the Y.  They were great when i got my hair cut....The at like 3ish, someone comes and waves a wand on my house and says good day no more.....My ironing board broke, my sister's really nice sewing machine broke, one was my fault and the other was J's fault.  My kids turned into the kind you want to trade in for new ones.  It only took about an hour for me to be on my knees giving my life back over to God.  I relinquish control.  I'm begging God to give me a new perspective of my kids.  Right now I hardly enjoy them.  I love them so much, but enjoy.....hmmm.  I'm begging God to show me where I messed things up, what am I doing wrong?  How in the world to you have mom's like Michelle Duggar????  Did that lady ever raise her voice?  Conley Roberts??  What about her did she ever scream at her kids?  How to people stay calm?  I never ever would have thought I would have been this kind of mom.  I don't want to be this kind of mom.....oh GOD help me!!!!!

an intimate moment

God has always let me know that He loves me in so many ways.  I know that I don't have to be perfect or like the next person to know He loves me.  But I have always struggled with comparing myself with others around me.  I would see someone who has an awesome walk with God and desire that my walk and faith would be like theirs.  I can't count the number of people that I looked up to and was envious of their walk.  But I look at them now and their walk is no longer one I would envy.  I have been disappointed by so many people because of this.  Most recently there's an older gentleman that has always had an amazing walk and I have always respected and admired.  But there seems to have been a shift.  I don't know if I'm just seeing things in a different light because I'm older with three kids now, or if he has changed.

I'm so tired of seeking what others have.  I want my walk to be my walk with God.  I desire to be the daughter he's called me to be.  Having two daughters has changed how I see the father's love for His little girl.  Just because one child has seemed to capture her daddy's heart more than the other daughter doesn't mean he loves the other daughter any less.  He loves them the same and has been captivated by both daughters.  I want my girls to have a relationship with their daddy that's unique to who they are.

Lord,  thank you for loving me for who you made me.  Help me to see how I can have the walk I am meant to have, not the one that I want to emulate. Direct each and everyone of my steps Lord.  Thank you for loving me with a father's love and not just ruling over me.  May my desires be pleasing to you and help my ways be a reflection of your love,

This is my hearts cry oh Lord.

The outcome

Today was the award cermony for Team Lean.  I won!  I actually won!  I knew I had a chance when I was about half-way through the competition.  But never would I have thought I had won.  I thought third would be nice.  I worked hard and prayed a lot!  I just need to get back into the good eating.  I've put on everything I lost last week.  I want to keep losing. Please Lord, help me!!

I really wish my mom would have won something.  Half of her team rocked it.  She lost 30 pounds and I'm so proud of her.

The final product

As promised my before and after pictures.  I must forewarn you that the before is awful!  I'm embarrassed to even put it on here, but to appreciate the after, it must be done.

 So there you go....Oh, I never did say how much I lost.  This week I was down 5 pounds.  That's a toatl of 36.5 pounds!!!!

A Very Happy Birthday!

I wanted to get a card for an awesome friend of mine but I never made it to the store.  So this is my gift to her.

Steph.  Wow.  we've known each other for a long time.  There are so many memories of us together.  Right now my mind is in a puddle and can't conjure up many of them.  But I know there's a ton.  I do know you introduced me to my husband.  So thank you very much!!  I have always admired you.  You're extremely smart and wise.  I am so thankful I was able to room with you in college. I pray we get to see each other more!  I'm looking forward to see where the years will take you and Josh!  I love you my dear dear friend!! Happy Happy Birthday!

Just team Lean!

I bet you look forward to Thursdays.  I know I do.  For each one that passes is another week closer to being at the end of Team Lean.  Guess what!!  I only have one more weigh-in left.  This week I was down 2.5 pounds!  I had to work hard for those pounds.  I worked about twice Monday-Wednesday.  Man,  I'm going to work so hard this last week.  Matthew and I agreed on eating only salads until Thursday.  So Here's what my eating plan will look like:  Breakfast is a fiber bar, Lunch is Slim Fast, and Dinner is a Salad.  With three snacks thrown in there somewhere.  This is going to be a hard week but I know I can finish super strong! I have lost 31.5 pounds!  That's 18.8 percent!!  I want to be over 20 percent.  I know I can do it!  That would be 4 pounds. 

Thank you Daddy for helping me get this far!  I could not have done it without you!  Help me through this last week.  Holy Spirit help me with my self-control and keep my desire strong! 

Week 7 and some ponderings

My seventh weigh in was today.  I only lost 1.5 pounds.  yes I hate to admit it, but I'm a little disappointed. I wanted to lose more, but I was unable to work out this morning.  I had gotten Johnathan out of a bed covered in "spit up" (as Alyssa calls it).  After I cleaned it up my stomach started to feel queasy.  (hey if you play scrabble just add qu to easy and you get queasy....)I thought it was just in my head and went to work out anyway.  I got on the treadmill and about passed out.  So no exercise today.  My stomach has been queasy on and off all day. Blech!

Now, onto my pondering.  I read a book called "The bluebird and the sparrow" by Janette Oke.  It's about two sister, One is beautiful and bubbly.  The older sister is plain and dependable. The older sister always felt that her sister was her mom's favorite.  That got me thinking about my sister and I.  We are very different.  She's shorter, has great olive skin, and these BIG blue eyes.  Me, I'm taller, have white skin, and have green eyes.  Our hair is the only thing that matches.  But the difference doesn't stop there.  She walks into a room and demands attention.  I walk into a room and blend into the wall.  She is extremely smart but lacks common sense.  I'm smart but can cover what I don't know with common sense. She bubbly and laughs a lot.  I'm more serious.  Those are some ways that we're different.  Growing up I tried to feel accepted by my sister. But I always felt like I fell short from having her accept me.  But a while back I realized that I didn't need her acceptance. I know she loves me.  But I'm not willing to change who I am just to please her.  It's painful to watch my mom and her's relationship.  I know that my mom favors her over me.  But it's more that my mom has to work so hard to gain my sister's approval.  So she has to give my sister more attention.  But it doesn't bother me one bit.  It did at one time,  but I know that I'm special to my mom.  I'm her dependable one. It's so nice to look back and know that I didn't allow my circumstances to define me.  I didn't have a horrible childhood.  I have rather fond memories.  But looking back as an adult I can see where I could have become someone completely different than I am now.  I thank God and praise Him for protecting me from those things growing up.  Growing up I always felt God's hand on me and guiding me.  I pray that all of my children feel the same thing.  I want them to have assurance that no matter what God will always love them and he created them to be who they are.

hotel bathrooms

Okay,  I have watched HGTV for years now.  And I love design shows.  But there is one thing I don't think I will ever understand.... Why would anyone want their bathoom/bedroom to look like a hotel?  I find that hotels tend to be cold and not very comfortable.  I've spent my share of time in hotels.  Some nice and some not so nice.  I want my bathroom to feel warm and inviting.  I want my bedroom to feel cozy and soft.  Not sterile and cold.   I have stayed at some bed & breakfast's,  they're nice but nothing I'd want my house to feel like.  I have never stayed at any 5 star hotel, but are the that much better that I want to model my house to feel like them?  I may just be crazy....what do you think?

I know I know...only 3 more weeks left of Team Lean!

So I have lost 2.5 pounds this week.  My routine on Thursday is this : get up, eat a fiber bar, get kiddos ready, go to gym, weigh-in, and then eat chick-fil-a and I have fries!!  So, Matthew and I were figuring it out.  If I can lose 9 more pounds I will lose close 22%...which would be more than any woman or man since team lean started two years ago.  I didn't start this thinking I could win individually,  I thought our team had a chance to be in the top 20%.  But having Matthew doing this with me helps. And I think I can do it!!  I would be my lowest weight since college! I know God's help me to lose this weight.  It seems silly to admit that I was praying God would help me and Matthew do this.  But he has been faithful.  I honestly don't think I would be doing this well if He was blessing me.  For example:  Yesterday I got on the scale at the Y and was the same weight I was last week.  I go this morning and I'm down 2.5!  Only God to melt it off like that.  I know everyone on my team will be blessed with the money they receive from winning.  I want my effort to bless them.  Also, I told Alyssa that mommy and daddy were on a diet so we can go to the beach.  She tells anyone that asks her all about it.  It's pretty funny!

A better day

Today has been so wonderful.  It wasn't without it's hard parts but I enjoyed my day!  It's been a long time since I've enjoyed my day.  The kiddos were good.  I was able to control my emotions.  And it was a beautiful day outside.

What made the difference?  I gave my day totally to God,.  If I felt myself losing control,  I'd give my day over again.  So, I pray that I can continue to do that.  It's amazing how having God in control can gave things so much faster than if I did it on my own! 

week 6 results and Survive or Thrive.

Yay!!  I'm down three pounds this week!  For a total of 25 pounds.  I have four more weigh-ins left!  I'll be glad when this is over but I can honestly say I've enjoyed seeing the pounds melt away! My goal is to be in the top three women overall!  I know I have a chance!  I didn't think I would do this good and I'm amazed at myself for being able to do it. 

Onto other things.  Last Saturday I felt really out of it.  I was feeling like a complete failure in all areas of my life.  So I decided to work on one of the bigger ones. I went to the Christian bookstore and got two books.  One was "Queen Mom" by Brenda Garrison and "Am I messing up my Kids?" by Lysa TerKeurst.  My initial thought was they're just moms like me, what makes them experts.  I prayed and asked God to show me areas of improvement.  It has helped and it's always nice to get advice from other Christian moms.  In the first book today I was reading about not ruking with an iron fist.  I tend to be angry at my kids.  In Brenda's book she quoted Dr. Gary Smalley "Anger is a secondary emotion, not a primary feeling. It arises out of fear, frustration, hurt, or some combination of the three." Wow!  It made me realize that I do stay frustrated.  Why?  My house is always cluttered, my kids don't listen the first time, my husband works more hours and misses out on seeing the kids grow daily.  I'm hurt.  Why?  Right now it's because I continually pray God to heal my children, but they're always sick.  Right now Alyssa has a nasty cough.  I truly believe God will heal her, but he hasn't yet and it hurts to know he didn't answer the way I think he should.  There are many more things I can put on here but I'll spare you.  So when I get angry with my kids, I know I need to ask God to reveal the reason behind my anger, right then and there.  I don't need to let it go on. Especially when dealing with my kids and disciplining them.  I desire to be a calm mom.  I do not like this mom that I have become.  People often call me super mom. I cringe at that because I know what I've been inside my home when no one else has been around.  I'm embarrassed by how I can treat my kids. I survive every day and to other that's what makes a "super mom".  I don't want to merely survive.  I want to thrive and if I'm doing that, call me "super mom"!!

Half Way there...

I made my goal this week.  I lost 2.5 pounds.  That's a total of 22 pounds.  Only 5 weigh ins left. 

On another note...this is for Hallie... Johnathan is doing rather well with adjusting to no paci.  It does take him 10-15 minutes to get to sleep, but that's better than I thought he would do.  He still asks me for it in the car and when I put him down.  He puts his hands up by his shoulders and says "where'd it GO"  (Go is said in a higher pitch)  It is absolutely adorable and kinda sad at the same time.  I love my little man so much!!

Alyssa has been having more and more accidents.  I'm not sure what's bringing it on.  I wonder if she just wants attention.  I don't think it is defience. I think it's kind of hard on her since I've had Michelle.  I'm really hard on her, not on purpose, but just because I expect a lot from her.  This August we're sending her to a half day pre-school.  It was such a hard decision to make.  Did we want her half day or all day.  Out of the 4 pre-schools, which one would she like best.  Unfortunatly,  we didn't pick our top choice because of money reasons.  But I think she'll really like the one we did pick.  I think she'll thrive in the school setting.  She's very social.  I'm hoping it'll help her learn how to sit still.  I don't know if she's every sat still for longer than ten minutes. 

Michelle is doing good.  She had a really bad case of ezcema two weeks ago.  It just kept getting worse.  I finally broke down and put hydrocordizone on her.  I was really hesitant because it was all of her, from head to toe,  and that's a lot of steroid to put on my baby.  But I had to do soemthing.  It worked mostly.  Now I just keep her lathered really good.  She will be five monthes old tomorrow.  She's getting so big!!!

Matthew's finally home...see ya later!

What's going on

So I am addicted to looking up different free tutorials on little girl dresses.  I love to print them out.  I now have a folder full of great ideas to sew.  I wish I had time to sew.  I love making things for people.  Right now I want to make Alyssa's Easter dress. My mom bought me some cute fabric that I've been wanting to use.  Maybe I'll have enought o make matching dresses for my two girls! 

So Johnathan has had a runny nose since the winter began.  I don't know what's causing it.  I think maybe allergies?  But Matthew and I were talking about it on Monday afternoon and we made a decision.  We thought that taking his paci away would help.  Monday night he went to bed without them.  He cried for about 45 minutes and then feel asleep.  Yesterday, he didn't take a nap.  He just cried and cried :( Last night he only cried for a few minutes and then fell asleep. But he woke up early.  He usually sleeps until 8-8:30 this morning he was up at 6:30.  I'm about to fix him lunch and the try to get him to take a nap.  I pray that his adjustment time will be quick!  I have been wanting to do it but was waiting for Matthew to be on board.  It's hard to do something like this when both parents don't agree.

Tomorrow I weigh in. I am hoping to loose 2 pounds.  Right now I am down one.  Will see what happens tomorrow!!!

Week Four.

I know you are anxiously awaiting my results from this weeks weight-in!!!  Well....I lost 3 pounds this week.  That's 19.5 pounds in only 4 and a half weeks.  Who would have thought that it was have come off so fast. 

I couldn't think of anything to get Matthew for V-day this year.  So my goal is to be able to lose enought weight to be able to wear my wedding ring. I haven't been able to wear it for 3 years!!  So I hope I can do it.  I have until Sunday to get some more weight off!!

So, I am having to buy clothes for my three year old now.  I wanted to check out ebay and see what all they had.  I wasn't planning on buying much, just looking.  Well, there was a ton of really cute stuff out there.  So I impulsively put bids on a lot of things.  I may have outdone myself and am secretly praying I'll be outbid on most of them.  But the few things where I am being outbid, I find myself wanting to bid more.  So, I'm not going to check my email until these things end.  Then, I'm going to have to stay away from ebay.  Who knew  I would have little self-control in this area.  I just know I get tired of only having about a weeks worth of outfits for her to wear.  I have a closet full of clothes but nothing seems to go with anything. I need to get rid of a lot of their stuff.  It's just hard because my sister and I have always kept all the baby clothes to pass back and forth.  Now, my brother's getting married and we'll have another sister to eventually pass things to.  It seems that the clothescollection always get added to and never taken from.  That's just how it is I guess. Soon, a lot of these items will be out of style and then we'll be able to get rid of them!

Week 3 and Other stuff

This week was so much better than I thought. I lost 4 pounds this week.  That makes a total of 16.5 pounds.  That is 10% of my body weight from the start of this whole thing.  I have been eating better and I feel great.  I didn't realize how bad I was being and how bad it made me feel.  I still have a lot more to lose.  Who knows what the next 7 weeks will hold. 

I was bad this afternoon though.  Alyssa made cookies with her grandma yestreday and I told her not to bring any home.  But she doesn't listen and sent some home.  So I just had to eat a cookie Alyssa made and decorated all by herself. 

Matthew has done well this week.  He's down 14.5 pounds.  I am so proud of him.  I love him so very much!!

On a very much diferent note.  My friend that was talking about divorcing her husband really needs your prayer. She's really hard right now.  I've been praying that God would put warning signs at every decision she makes.  The whole situation makes me mad, angry, and hurt all at the same time.  I'm trying not to hold onto all of those feelings.  I don't want to be held back because I haven't forgiven her.  It's a daily thing I'm having to do. 

I am so thankful for all of my readers. 

Week Two

I lost 2.5 pounds this week.  I was really happy with that.  I didn't think I would lose anything this week.  I have lost a total of 13 pounds.  Yay! 

Matthew has done really well also.  He has lost a total of 12 pounds. 

Not for anyone in particular...just for me no offense.

I've been watching Joyce Meyers lately whenever I get up to nurse Michelle.  Okay so it is more like I go in and out of sleep while the tv is set to Joyce Meyers.  But she's been talking about being offended about things lately.  I don't get offended easily.  Except when it concerns my mother-in-law and my babies.  I'm not sure why things offend me where she's concerned.  Anyway, JM was talking about how taking offence to something is satan's way to bring you down.  When you become offended it puts up a wall in your relationship with God.  So, I realized I need to get over being offended by my mil.  And she usually mean good by what she does and says.  It was pretty silly to be offended by her at all. 

JM was also saying you should feel sorry for someone over being offended by them.  I'm not sure if I agree with that.  I would think you would rather see the good in them not feel sorry for them.  I was told somewhere that there's always one piece of information missing from almost every story.  Maybe trying to see what that one thing is would help us all not to be so offended.  I'm not sure if I worded this right, so please don't be offended with me :)

Week one!

What a week!  I had my offical weight-in yesterday.  I lost 10 pounds in 11 days!!  I was completely surprised.  I thought I had only lost 7 pounds.  My goal was 20 pounds and it looks like I'll be able to exceed my goal.  I do have an advantage over a lot of people,  I'm still nursing and I burn 500 more calories that those that aren't.  Team PB&J lost a total of 39.5 pounds.  We did really great!!  I rewarded myself with a peppermint chocolatechip milkshake from chick-fil-a. After not eating any sugary foods for two weeks, it wasn't as good as I had hoped.  It tasted great, but it didn't sit well.  I have  nine more long weeks left!  But I'm exciyed to see how I'll look and feel after this is all over!!

Changes in me...

This week has been an interesting week for me.  I started Team Lean on Saturday.  I have lost 4.5 lbs so far!!  Yay!!  I would post before pictures but Matthew made me take them wearing a sports bra and I'm sure that it would break everyone's computer if I did.  I will post after pictures though!!

I didn't want this whole thing to be just a diet.  I got real lazy while I was preggo with Michelle.  And it is so hard breaking the lazy cicle.  I made a commitment to myself to be better in all areas of my life.  I am trying my darndest to keep my kitchen clean and at least one load of laundry done a day.  The latter I haven't done so well with.  But  have been doing better with the kitchen.

My laziness wasn't only with my house cleaning, but also with my kiddos.  I love each one of my babies so much.  But I was just lazy in how I delt with them and how I disiplined them.  God has been putting on my heart the verse Matthew 7:11 "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him"!  He was showing me that gifts aren't just things.  That my attitude and my time are gifts to my them.  They desire me more than playing with their toys.  So, I'm working on how I handle them and situations better. 

I have a feeling that 2010 has some major changes in story for me.  Not just physical but spiritual and emotional as well.  I'm looking forward to what God's got for me.  I just pray that I'm open enough to hear Him and follow Him.  I don't want to sit down in a year and see the same me.  I want a new and improved me!

PB&J

I can not express how much I am looking forward to starting team lean.  We get to weigh in on Saturday.  I think I'm looking forward to having a goal. I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with Alyssa.  The doctor also thinks I had it when I was prego with Michelle but it went undiagnosed. My health has been on my mind a lot lately.  Three out of my four grandparents died from heart attacks.  And my grandmother had diabetes and just a lot of health issues.  I want to start now changing how my family eats.  I want a lifestyle change and not just a diet.  It is going to be a whole new learning experience for me.  I know my husband is a bit picky about food. I pray that we can make it for ten weeksand the rest of our lives.  I believe that my body is God's temple and he wants to eat right to use it to its fullist potential.  So I will hopefully be able to tell you all how I'm doing.  I want to lose at least 20 pounds. That's only 2 pounds a week.  I can do that!!  I would love to be able to get down about 30 pounds but I can't cut out all of my calories because I'm still nursing.  I just need healthy meals and snacks.  I can do this I can do this I can do this.  It does help that Matthew is doing it with me.  Also, my mom, sister, and bro-in-law are doing it. 

My team consists of Gordon, Tnia, Matthew, Jana, and me.  That's how we got our name.  P=pyles, b=bradshaw, and j=jana!!  Go team PB&J