Man God has been dealing with me....refining me....I love it!! His word for me lately has been to be blameless. Daily I have been asking God to help me be blameless. I want Him to show me where I have roots of bitterness, jealousy, laziness, judgement. I want them to be gone. I want to live a blameless life. No, I am not perfect. He doesn't call me to be perfect, He calls me to be blameless. An example: A friend and I disagree about something and things were said that hurt. I start thinking in my head about how that friend said this or that. Then a seed of bitterness is planted. We start hanging out and everything this friend says or does starts to annoy me, then I judge their motives and question if what they are doing is godly. I struggle with why I am having issues with this friend. I thought I forgave them for their wrong. But wait, what is it God is calling me to do? To be blameless, as soon as the seed falls, I call on God to remove it. I tell the friend that I am sorry for the things I may have said and I truly forgive and allow God to help me forget. Now, the things they said that I want to forget may still be whispered to me in the dark of night, but instead of dwelling on it or letting the seed take root, allow God to remove it. I say " God help me to be blameless, I give you the honor and glory for all that you are doing in me. Forgive me for allowing an offense to cause me to sin. Bless my friend and may your glory and joy shine on them." And you praise Him for who He is!
"11 May God our Father and our Lord Jesus bring us to you very soon. 12 And may the Lord make your love for one another and for all people grow and overflow, just as our love for you overflows. 13 May he, as a result, make your hearts strong, blameless, and holy as you stand before God our Father when our Lord Jesus comes again with all his holy people. Amen." 1 Thessalonians 3:11-13
Friday, July 12, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
the enemy at work
How the enemy works in our lives.....I am not completely secure in who I am. I have always felt like I am in other peoples shadows and that I am never good enough to step out of them. I do not have a dominate personality a majority of my family and friends have big personalities. I don't want to compete for attention. I would rather stand in the background than have to fight to be seen or heard.
Recently a friend and I had a disagreement about something. To most it wouldn't be a big deal but for me the enemy used it against me. I came away hurt and feeling even more insecure than before. For weeks I have just avoided her and not wanted to open up to her at all. I stick to a group setting so I can avoid talking to her. I don't trust her with my heart...not in a weirdo way but in a sister way. I don't trust her with the little bit of security I offered her. I did write her a brief note telling her most of what I was feeling. I am still processing what could have gone wrong.
Today, as I was praying I realized how much the enemy wants to steal from me. To prevent a godly friendship from growing and bringing God glory. The enemy used my insecurities against me. He kept throwing her words in my face and whispering them in my ear at night. How dare he? I am a child of the One True King and the enemy better stop messing with me. I won't stand for it any longer!
I need my security to be in God and have my shield and sword to do battle. I am tired of the enemy stealing our marriages and friendships!
Recently a friend and I had a disagreement about something. To most it wouldn't be a big deal but for me the enemy used it against me. I came away hurt and feeling even more insecure than before. For weeks I have just avoided her and not wanted to open up to her at all. I stick to a group setting so I can avoid talking to her. I don't trust her with my heart...not in a weirdo way but in a sister way. I don't trust her with the little bit of security I offered her. I did write her a brief note telling her most of what I was feeling. I am still processing what could have gone wrong.
Today, as I was praying I realized how much the enemy wants to steal from me. To prevent a godly friendship from growing and bringing God glory. The enemy used my insecurities against me. He kept throwing her words in my face and whispering them in my ear at night. How dare he? I am a child of the One True King and the enemy better stop messing with me. I won't stand for it any longer!
I need my security to be in God and have my shield and sword to do battle. I am tired of the enemy stealing our marriages and friendships!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Happy Mother's Day!
Today is mother's day! I want to share what God revealed to me last night while talking to my husband. Here is a gift to all my mother friends!
I was telling my husband how I am not a good teacher. I don't know how to make moments that happen in life become teachable moments for my children. My hubby said something along the lines that he has known many parents that were great teachers but their actions were different than what they taught their kids. And those kids have turned into adults that struggle with the doing the same acts their parents tried teaching them not to do.
That is when God whispered to my heart. I gave you those children; follow Me, love Me, trust Me, obey Me and I will teach your children through you. You are the perfect mom for them, I chose you to be their mommy. Your walk with Me is exactly what they need for Me to touch their hearts and bring them into My loving arms.
Amazing!
Happy Mother's Day!
I was telling my husband how I am not a good teacher. I don't know how to make moments that happen in life become teachable moments for my children. My hubby said something along the lines that he has known many parents that were great teachers but their actions were different than what they taught their kids. And those kids have turned into adults that struggle with the doing the same acts their parents tried teaching them not to do.
That is when God whispered to my heart. I gave you those children; follow Me, love Me, trust Me, obey Me and I will teach your children through you. You are the perfect mom for them, I chose you to be their mommy. Your walk with Me is exactly what they need for Me to touch their hearts and bring them into My loving arms.
Amazing!
Happy Mother's Day!
Friday, February 22, 2013
A small reminder leads to changes
Alyssa and I had a big fight last week. It was over something small but it had been brewing for awhile. She and I have always butted heads but lately her attitude and demeanor towards has been very disrespectful. This particular morning I was taking her to school and she was crying and I was crying. I dropped her off and just prayed all the way home. As I pulled up to our driveway the wooded lot in front of our house was covered in a dense fog. Behind the fog the sun was rising. God whispered deep in my soul...my mercies are new every morning. Through the fog and hard times, I am there. It may feel as if I am far away but I will cause the fog to dissipate and things will get better, trust in me. I ran into the house and took a picture as a reminder.
I have been praying over my girl. Things are getting better. I pray our relationship will be renewed and rebuilt before it is too late and she seeks confirmation elsewhere. I love her dearly. I am so thankful for my God that reminds He is always here. That I just need to trust in Him as we walk through this life.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
fruit
SO much is going on in my head today...
I love when God gives you just a simple truth and it can change your life! I was praying for my son because he gets really upset whenever he doesn't get his way. I want him to be happy and joyful. I was asking God what he needs to feel joyful. And BAM! "22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" Galations 5:22-23 As I was praying that my son would have the Holy Spirit be prevalent in his life. I felt like God was saying to me "which of these fruits do you see in your life?" Oh wowza! love...yes I love my children and my husband and my close friends and some family...but love? hmm....joy..nope, i just feel like i am in a constant state of tense...peace...most of the time but what if something major happened? patience, kindness, goodness, and gentleness?? just ask my children about those! They would probably tell you I am mean mommy! Faithfulness? i am faithful when it counts but in the small things..kinda...self-control....ummmmm ask those 10 fun size butterfingers i just ate... So, needless to say I think I am missing something in my life. What little fruit I do have is small and kinda withered looking. I want my fruit to be the talk of the town...the one that the people come far and wide to see. But how do I do that? How? What am I feeding myself? Is my fruit affected my weeds? Are the weeds blocking the supply to my fruit? Taking away the nutrients the fruit needs?? Lord, HELP ME! I can't do this on my own. I need you! I need you and only you! I want to crave you and only you!!! I don't want to be mediocre anymore! I want fruit that is healthy!
Anyway the rest can wait. that is the biggest thing God is working on me!
I love when God gives you just a simple truth and it can change your life! I was praying for my son because he gets really upset whenever he doesn't get his way. I want him to be happy and joyful. I was asking God what he needs to feel joyful. And BAM! "22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" Galations 5:22-23 As I was praying that my son would have the Holy Spirit be prevalent in his life. I felt like God was saying to me "which of these fruits do you see in your life?" Oh wowza! love...yes I love my children and my husband and my close friends and some family...but love? hmm....joy..nope, i just feel like i am in a constant state of tense...peace...most of the time but what if something major happened? patience, kindness, goodness, and gentleness?? just ask my children about those! They would probably tell you I am mean mommy! Faithfulness? i am faithful when it counts but in the small things..kinda...self-control....ummmmm ask those 10 fun size butterfingers i just ate... So, needless to say I think I am missing something in my life. What little fruit I do have is small and kinda withered looking. I want my fruit to be the talk of the town...the one that the people come far and wide to see. But how do I do that? How? What am I feeding myself? Is my fruit affected my weeds? Are the weeds blocking the supply to my fruit? Taking away the nutrients the fruit needs?? Lord, HELP ME! I can't do this on my own. I need you! I need you and only you! I want to crave you and only you!!! I don't want to be mediocre anymore! I want fruit that is healthy!
Anyway the rest can wait. that is the biggest thing God is working on me!
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Just putting this out there
Most of you know that my last pregnancy was difficult. I had thyroid problems and just felt blah about 75% of my pregnancy. Well starting in September I started having some of the same symptoms. I had blood work done and the doctor said my levels were in the normal range. The only issue that concerned me was the jitteriness I had. And when I get jittery I have a very hard time controlling my irritability level. And I tend to blow up on my kids a lot right now. So I looked up online and found that many people don't feel normal when they are at the levels I am at. I made an appointment with my endo doctor. She is hard to see and it always takes 2 hours of waiting. I went yesterday. Told her how I was feeling and she dismissed all I said. Then she said well you know that after having a baby you can feel depressed, here is a prescription for zoloft. UGH! I left frustrated and almost in tears. Why do doctor's want to treat everything with medication. She is a specialist doctor and really has no business diagnosing me with anxiety. I think I would have felt better had she said something like, I really don't believe it is your thyroid, but to make you feel better let's do some more blood work, and if that comes back normal, I would suggest you see your regular doctor and they may be able to help you more.
And what makes me more frustrated is my DH, I think, agrees that it is just anxiety. Though he said while talking to me "that he isn't saying that it is anxiety" but he talked to his mom about it all and she said I have had a lot on my plate and blah blah blah. Please don't misunderstand me. I am a mom of four children, my oldest is six. I do have a lot on my plate. But the jitteriness I get was exactly the same as when my thyroid levels were low. I understand people really do suffer from anxiety and I am in no way down playing anything that they are feeling or suffering from. I just honestly don't think that is what is wrong with me. And to be just thrown aside like I don't know what I am talking about is frustrating. And if it is my thyroid levels I only have two doctors kinda close that I could go to, her and another doctor in Tally. I may try to get a second opinion. We will see tho. I may just tough it out and see if it goes away when I am done nursing and my hormones go back to normal.
I dislike having anything wrong with me. I tend to just ignore it and believe that God will heal me from whatever it may be. SO I will believe that I am healed right now.!
And what makes me more frustrated is my DH, I think, agrees that it is just anxiety. Though he said while talking to me "that he isn't saying that it is anxiety" but he talked to his mom about it all and she said I have had a lot on my plate and blah blah blah. Please don't misunderstand me. I am a mom of four children, my oldest is six. I do have a lot on my plate. But the jitteriness I get was exactly the same as when my thyroid levels were low. I understand people really do suffer from anxiety and I am in no way down playing anything that they are feeling or suffering from. I just honestly don't think that is what is wrong with me. And to be just thrown aside like I don't know what I am talking about is frustrating. And if it is my thyroid levels I only have two doctors kinda close that I could go to, her and another doctor in Tally. I may try to get a second opinion. We will see tho. I may just tough it out and see if it goes away when I am done nursing and my hormones go back to normal.
I dislike having anything wrong with me. I tend to just ignore it and believe that God will heal me from whatever it may be. SO I will believe that I am healed right now.!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Today I am 30
This is my birthday. I can honesty say I can feel a shift in my life. I am old and wise now :) okay not really but something is different.
Back before I got married I prayed a DUMB prayer. I don't know what I was thinking but I did it. I asked God to always keep my relationship with Him on the same level as my husbands. DUMB!! Man, have I seen this prayer answered. Of all the things Godi answers why this one?? Don't get me wrong, my hubby has a good relationship with Jesus and he is wise beyond his years. But his hunger for God isn't at the level I want for my own life. I have struggled and struggled until finally last week God revealed to me my DUMB prayer!! I repented and feel like a flood gate has opened for me! I have this hunger for God and all He has to offer me!
My biggest struggle is being a mom. It is constant, when I am asleep and when I am awake. I was talking to my mom about what she did when we were young to help her be a better mom. She says she listened to Jameas Dobson and read some of his books. So I ordered the same books she read 30 years ago! They are still relevant! And I can download his radio show onto my phone! I listen while I am in the car. The other author I have been reading is Lysa Terhuerst. Man, her writing speaks to me.
Anyway, I finally feel as if I am growing. I don't have that floundering through life feeling anymore. It is amazing! I
Back before I got married I prayed a DUMB prayer. I don't know what I was thinking but I did it. I asked God to always keep my relationship with Him on the same level as my husbands. DUMB!! Man, have I seen this prayer answered. Of all the things Godi answers why this one?? Don't get me wrong, my hubby has a good relationship with Jesus and he is wise beyond his years. But his hunger for God isn't at the level I want for my own life. I have struggled and struggled until finally last week God revealed to me my DUMB prayer!! I repented and feel like a flood gate has opened for me! I have this hunger for God and all He has to offer me!
My biggest struggle is being a mom. It is constant, when I am asleep and when I am awake. I was talking to my mom about what she did when we were young to help her be a better mom. She says she listened to Jameas Dobson and read some of his books. So I ordered the same books she read 30 years ago! They are still relevant! And I can download his radio show onto my phone! I listen while I am in the car. The other author I have been reading is Lysa Terhuerst. Man, her writing speaks to me.
Anyway, I finally feel as if I am growing. I don't have that floundering through life feeling anymore. It is amazing! I
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