Life brings Ups and Downs

Last week was a down week for me.  I had a doctor's appointment with the endochrnologist on Tuesday.  She had an ultrasound of my thyroid done and was able to review it at my appointment right after. She did not come in with good news.  She said my thyroid was abnormal and lumpy.  Which is an indication I have a mild form of graves disease (what an awful name!!).  She was in a hurry and my husband and I were following out the door asking questions.  I left confused more than anything.  They had done my bloodwork  about a month ago and at that appointment she told me that my antibody count was negative so I probably didn't have this. She told me then that my hypertyroid would go away by the second trimester or the birth of the baby.  And now she is saying it isn't because of hormone levels and that it is some disease I will have the rest of my life.  It is an autoimmune disorder and they can mask the symptoms but not get rid of it. 

I thought I was handling things well but as the week went on I got more and more frustrated with my kiddos and just blew up on Friday.  My husband keeps telling me God will heal me and there is nothing to worry about.  I know He can heal me. But I am struggling.  I always pray for healing when my kiddos are sick or someone close is sick but it never seems to happen.  I can pray for things like a faster trip home from VA and hardly any traffic and God answers that.  I know He answers my prayers. I see it happen all the time.  Except when I pray for healing.  I just pray His will be done.  It is all I know how to pray right now. 

On a happier note I did get to see my baby last week.  I need reassurance that things with the pregnancy are going well and God allowed me to see the baby earlier than I normally would.  It was the day after my awful appointment with the endo dr.  My hubby and I decided not to find out what we are having.  I really want this to be my last pregnancy because of everything going on and how rough things have been.  And we found out with the other three and it will be fun for a surprise and something more to look forward to after the end of all of this. 

We have talked about names.  We both like Amelia Evelyn for a girl  and Kenrick Allen for a boy. What do you think?  We still have until May to change our minds....so don't be surprised if we don't choose either of those :)