I will overcome

Weigh-In one of my own.  I'm at 138 lbs.  That's up by 5 or 6 pounds.  My scale is more than the ymca's scale, but I'm not sure by how much.  I'm going to use my scale from now on though.  So,  in order for me to be able to buy anything next week, I have to be down those 5 pounds....probably won't hapen in a week but hopefully two weeks!

On another note,  yesterday I came into the living room and J had the laptop.  It's Matthew's work laptop, but I use it more than he does.  I don't know what all J did with it, but I was too busy to check it out.  Well, last night I plugged it in and it wouldn't turn on.  I prayed and prayed and prayed it was't broken.  I left it charging for an hour hoping that would help.  Basically I was avoiding telling Matthew it was broken.  After awhile, I felt like it was a challenge.  God was asking me, will you tell Matthew the truth?  I sat in he bedroom for an hour avoiding having to tell Matthew.  I finally got the guts to tell him.  I told him the truth, that J had the laptop and I didn't know what he had done with it.  Matthew looked at it, and it turns out that the adapter on the charger was broken and the laptop had 0 battery charge.  So, J didn't break it!!!  God answered my prayer, but it took a leap of faith to tell Matthew the truth about what happened. 

Speaking of Matthew, he's taking one of the biggest tests for his career on Monday.  He could use all of your prayers. He has been studying off and on for two years for this test.

My newest adventure

I have done horribly with my diet since I ended Team Lean.  I can tell a complete change in myself.  So, in order to remedy this I have made my own form of reward for losing weight.  I will have a weekly weigh in on Thursday's.  if I lose weight, I get to buy myself a new article of clothing..shoes, shirts, pants, dress...or whatever.  I'm starting this Thursday, but in order for me to be able to get anything, I have to get back to where I ended at my last weigh in. I need to practice self-control. I have prayed every day for the Holy Spirit to help me.  Today,  I did good up until an hour ago.  I thought maybe if I had someone to keep my accountable it would help.  So for the 5 of you who read this, I will hopefully relying on you to help me.

BAHHHHHHH

This is one of those days....the kind where it starts out well.  You get things done by early morning.  You have the afternoon to relax.  Your kids have been decent. Well, except J who was the bully at the Y.  They were great when i got my hair cut....The at like 3ish, someone comes and waves a wand on my house and says good day no more.....My ironing board broke, my sister's really nice sewing machine broke, one was my fault and the other was J's fault.  My kids turned into the kind you want to trade in for new ones.  It only took about an hour for me to be on my knees giving my life back over to God.  I relinquish control.  I'm begging God to give me a new perspective of my kids.  Right now I hardly enjoy them.  I love them so much, but enjoy.....hmmm.  I'm begging God to show me where I messed things up, what am I doing wrong?  How in the world to you have mom's like Michelle Duggar????  Did that lady ever raise her voice?  Conley Roberts??  What about her did she ever scream at her kids?  How to people stay calm?  I never ever would have thought I would have been this kind of mom.  I don't want to be this kind of mom.....oh GOD help me!!!!!

an intimate moment

God has always let me know that He loves me in so many ways.  I know that I don't have to be perfect or like the next person to know He loves me.  But I have always struggled with comparing myself with others around me.  I would see someone who has an awesome walk with God and desire that my walk and faith would be like theirs.  I can't count the number of people that I looked up to and was envious of their walk.  But I look at them now and their walk is no longer one I would envy.  I have been disappointed by so many people because of this.  Most recently there's an older gentleman that has always had an amazing walk and I have always respected and admired.  But there seems to have been a shift.  I don't know if I'm just seeing things in a different light because I'm older with three kids now, or if he has changed.

I'm so tired of seeking what others have.  I want my walk to be my walk with God.  I desire to be the daughter he's called me to be.  Having two daughters has changed how I see the father's love for His little girl.  Just because one child has seemed to capture her daddy's heart more than the other daughter doesn't mean he loves the other daughter any less.  He loves them the same and has been captivated by both daughters.  I want my girls to have a relationship with their daddy that's unique to who they are.

Lord,  thank you for loving me for who you made me.  Help me to see how I can have the walk I am meant to have, not the one that I want to emulate. Direct each and everyone of my steps Lord.  Thank you for loving me with a father's love and not just ruling over me.  May my desires be pleasing to you and help my ways be a reflection of your love,

This is my hearts cry oh Lord.

The outcome

Today was the award cermony for Team Lean.  I won!  I actually won!  I knew I had a chance when I was about half-way through the competition.  But never would I have thought I had won.  I thought third would be nice.  I worked hard and prayed a lot!  I just need to get back into the good eating.  I've put on everything I lost last week.  I want to keep losing. Please Lord, help me!!

I really wish my mom would have won something.  Half of her team rocked it.  She lost 30 pounds and I'm so proud of her.